All Alone
by emerald-wind
Summary: Goku awaken to find himself left behind by the people he cherishes the most... COULD IT BE! ehehe, anyways, I had to revise the old version, so this one is completely new... this is my very first fic, so please review
1. Alone

Disclaimer: I am just a fan of Gensomaden Saiyuki, the characters aren't mine and they never will be… Thank you…

Alone

Gensoumaden Saiyuki

"Eyaaahhhh Ahhhhhh~!!!! Good morning!!!"

Goku stretched, his eyes still closed, feeling every surge of energy pass through his body as he stretched his limbs as far as he could. 

Opening his eyes, Goku searched for a familiar face, hoping that someone heard his greeting or at least that someone was there to tell him that he was just in time for breakfast.

But no one was there.

"Eh?" Goku stood up, balancing himself. His grogginess disappeared as he started to walk about, searching for one of his companions.

"Sanzoooooo-?" Goku yelled as he peeped through the dining room door.

"Hak-kaiiii?" Goku walked through the kitchen, hoping to see Hakkai preparing a meal.

But still… no one…

"Gojyo?!" Goku must have sounded desperate by now, that is, if his comrades were present. 

"Where are they?" Goku wondered. This hadn't happened before. The worst thing that happened was when he woke up one time… he had dreamt of a delicious buffet, only to awake at the sound of Sanzo's screaming, "BAKA SARU!!! Do you plan to sleep all day?!" And with that, he heard the jeep start. They almost left him behind, but he knew that they would never do such a thing..

…would they?

Goku shook his head. He didn't like the thought, and dismissed it like it was a curse to even bring it up. 

"Ah! The jeep!" Goku suddenly remembered.

"If Hakuryu's here at least…" and he ran towards the outside of the little inn where they had spent the night.

Goku's heart pounded as he took each swift step down the stairs. His mind couldn't bear the thoughts… he started to imagine the worst.

"Baka saru!" Sanzo's voice echoed in his head.

 "What the heck are you doing?! Hey!!! That's mine! Why you…" Gojyo's scream from the dumpling fight from last night's dinner replayed in his thoughts. 

As Goku finally arrived at the foot of the stairs, his anticipations grew even greater.

"Yeah, it'll be alright… they're here… all I need is to see the jeep parked right out-"

Goku stopped in his tracks. He was right at the place where he knew Hakkai left Hakuryu. He wanted to believe that he was wrong, because what he searched for was nowhere in sight.

"Hakkai never leaves without Hakuryu…"

Goku's eyes, opened wide, looked at the surrounding areas in hope for it to rest upon the forest-green vehicle he always rode in with his friends… but he saw nothing. 

"It can't be," he whispered to himself. "Did they…leave me?"

Goku shook his head briskly to "whisk away" the thought of it. He smiled brightly, and smacked his right fist onto his left palm. "That's it! …" He said to himself, "I bet they just went for a walk, and left me behind 'coz I was still sleeping! Yeah, that's right…" 

And although Goku had that bright smile, there was a hint of doubt on his face. He looked as if he hadn't convinced even himself.

In a decision to prove his theory right, Goku quickly went back upstairs and put on his usual clothes and set out to search for his friends. He glanced one more time at each room he passed, anxious that one of them would have already returned. 

As he walked towards the main door, the innkeeper suddenly called out to him," Sir…,"

Goku quickly looked, hoping that the man would tell him a message that Sanzo must have left.

"Uhm, are you checking out already? Shall I have the room fixed?"

Goku's smile seemed to disintegrate, and after a short pause, he just gave a soft, weak answer, "No, not yet… thanks" and with that, he shut the door behind him. 


	2. Mirage

**Alone**

**~::Chapter 2::~ Mirage**

Goku walked at a rather slow pace, compared to his usual pace when he was hungry and waiting for Sanzo to decide where to eat. And he was especially hungry now, for he hadn't eaten breakfast yet. But it seemed that the problem of hunger was nothing compared to his problem right now. Goku couldn't even swing his arms as he walked - he thought that it was too tiring. He conveniently kept his hands in the pockets of his pants.

It must have been torture, walking and smelling the aroma of the different delicacies being sold. 

Goku could only look... and though he wanted to get as much food as he could carry, he simply thought of it being impossible since he needed Sanzo's special Three Buddha Gold Card to purchase food to his heart's desire. But Sanzo... Where WAS Sanzo?... 

"This is torture..." Goku thought sadly and quickly turned away from the food stalls. 

As he looked up, his gaze suddenly fixed upon a black-haired man who was at the fruit stall. 

"Hakkai!!!" Goku said to himself. His heart pounded louder as he ran towards him. Each step nearer would strengthen his hope... He knew they wouldn't leave him.

Being inches apart from his friend, Goku reached out to him, his eyes widened with excitement, his mouth smiling... but then it suddenly disappeared as he watched his hand go through the vision.

He stopped in his tracks. He stood in bewilderment as he tried to process what had just happened. He held up his hand slowly, and looked at it with horror, and then looked up once again, at the man who had his back turned towards him, but still smiling as he was picking the choice fruits. It certainly was Hakkai, but his translucence set a chill through Goku, and made his stomach turn... it certainly was not what he had expected to see. 

"W-what is this?!" Goku asked. He didn't know what to do. He turned around and saw everybody walking around, minding their business... it was a typical market day. Then he turned around to see Hakkai once more, but then he was gone. 

The fruit seller had a queer look on his face. And he smiled unconvincingly. Goku must have been standing there for at least a minute, his eyes wide, staring through the fruit stand. Goku blinked, as if he had awakened from a dream. As soon as Goku noticed the seller, he went towards him, frantic about what had just happened.

"What happened to him?!" Goku asked the seller, the tone of his voice clearly showed that he was panicking. 

"Him?" The seller slightly tilted his head.

"D-didn't you see him? The man with black hair... i-in green clothes and and... and he had a dragon on his shoulder!!! He was just here! Just a second ago!!!" Goku said as he gestured his arms wildly.

"Oh? Uh... I... I don't think I rememeber anyone who-"

"But He was here!!! just a second ago!!!"

"Sir... I'm sorry, but the only person who's been standing here for the past 10 minutes is you..."

Goku's eyes widened. "Could it have been a mirage?" He thought to himself "An illusion? Some cheap trick someone's playing on me?! Or even worse... could it all be real?" Goku shook his head, his eyes narrowed, "No... NO! It must be a dream... this is all just a dream... A NIGHTMARE!!! It couldn't all be real."

Shaking his head once more, Goku thanked the fruit vendor and started walking once more.

Authors little note: HIYA! Thanks to all those who reviewed the first chapter! You have inspired me to continue this fic! (I thought it sucked since this is the first time I'm writing a fanfic ^___^;) I hope you guys like this one too, although it's another cliffhanger... But I'll update pretty soon... PROMISE! :3


	3. Reminisce

_**Disclaimer (again): **These characters aren't mine, and will never be... even if I wished on a shooting star... ^_^;_

**~::Chapter 3::~ Reminisce**

Goku dragged his feet as he walked. The incident was inconceivable. How could it have not been Hakkai? Was his imagination playing tricks on him? ...

He started to think about how he and the others would usually go around town... how they would stop by the town's best restaurant... the fights he and Gojyo had over the last dumpling... the battles they had against those demons who didn't even give a bit of a challenge, and even the way Sanzo always hit him on the head with his ever-reliable fan... though he never really understood why.

"They wouldn't leave me... we're a team. A team isn't a team even if just one member is missing..." Goku contemplated. Out of his sadness, he had forgotten about his hunger pangs and satisfied himself just by reminiscing the memories...

~~Flasback~~

Sanzo sat up in his bed, still covered in a couple of bandages. He almost died during the desert trip because of the poison their foe had applied by means of creating a wound on Sanzo with her claw-like nails. And what's worse- Goku took off his device. With Hakkai and Gojyo, weak from battling him, were now incapable of returning the device.

All they could hope for was a miracle.

But then Sanzo, despite his condition, was able to regain enough consciousness and pacify Goku with his device once again. 

"It almost cost him his life. I could've... he could've... we all could've... because of me... and I thought it would help if I took off my device to save them..." Goku thought sadly as he looked at Sanzo.

"S-sanzo... I-I'm... " He muttered as he was seated beside his injured companion.

"Baka Saru!!!" 

WHHHAAAPAAMMMM!!! his fan hit Goku right smack on the head.

"Ow ow ow ow!!! ... But but I-I..." Goku crouched, covering his head with his hands.

"Shut up" Sanzo answered coldly, "Get me a beer..."

"Uh, y-yeah..." Goku nodded.

Goku went to get Sanzo's can of beer. With his mood like that, the last thing he'd want to do is stall. And as he returned with the cans in hand, he watched sadly at how his friend opened them. Guilt was eating him up, and though he wanted to apologize for everything, explain why he did it all, and show how much he wanted to sacrifice just to get his friends back in time... he had no idea how he would make Sanzo listen-- that long. But, at least he could try, right?

"S-sanzo... I-I"... 

"Here..." Sanzo reached the other can to him.

"I-" Goku slowly took the can... he felt his heart beat faster, his head ache and his eyes start to sting. But looking at Sanzo, he ironically saw no trace of hostility despite the usual coldness he would give off. It was as if he had forgotten already about all that happened. Goku felt so at ease with the realization that the surge of emotions were too much to just keep inside, he felt as if his chest would burst... he wanted to cry.

"Even then, Sanzo proved that... that even if my carelessness was trouble for him, he still would forgive me. Though he would never say it in my face, It's as if he actually did... " Goku pondered, "What are words anyway? His action shows it all..."

Goku looked up once again and saw himself back in reality. He was just in front of the town's bar. His face gave a faint smile, which slowly grew bigger as he realized that he had a new hope in finding his friends. 

Although lacking energy, he quickly brought himself in the bar, and searched for a familiar face. 

Then there he was, his friend with the beautiful blood red hair. His smile grew bigger as he quickly walked towards the counter, not minding the insults being thrown at him as he unconsciously bumped into the other sober customers. 

"Gojyo, where-- " Goku softly said. He sat down beside Gojyo, who had his head resting on his hands. His face was covered by his hair. He looked troubled... if not, he was just more sober than usual. 

"Gojyo..." Goku said once more, his eyes were starting to burn out of anger, and happiness, a weird mix of emotion that just seemed to confuse him all the more. 

Gojyo looked up, his eyes looking distant. He turned his head slowly towards Goku and smirked. He held up his glass of liquor , and gestured a 'toast' to Goku, as if to offer him a drink.

Goku's eyebrows met. He had been worried sick, hungry and confused ever since he woke up this morning. He had been roaming all over town, like a little boy, because he had no idea where they all were. And now he finds one of them wasting his life by getting himself drunk the whole day. Why did they have to let him go through all that? They could have just left a little note... waken him up... anything but this! And now, it all the more seemed like an insult especially with Gojyo looking at him careless as ever, as if nothing happened.

"YOUUUU!!!!" Goku screamed as he clenched his fist tightly and swung it towards Gojyo. All that went through his mind now was how insensitive they had been. All he wanted was for him to feel the pain... although he knew this wouldn't measure up to even half of it.

Goku's eyes grew large. His jaw dropped as he saw his fist, through Gojyo, who had now become a milky translucence. "No... no.... not again... no way..." Goku screamed inside of him, his eyes wide in horror, his arm just stretched out-- paralyzed by fear.

He felt his stomach turn as he watched Gojyo gesture once more with his glass, and slowly become clear as glass... until he completely vanished.

"Gojyo..." Goku shot out, as a tear slowly dripped from his cheek. He couldn't hold the emotions in any longer.

**Author's little note: **OMG OMG!!! I feel so evil! Poor Goku!! o Hey hey, I have nothing against Goku, okay? Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter! ^___^ I'll get on with the next one as soon as I can. I can't assure anything about cliffhangers... ^___^; Thanks so much for those who reviewed! You give me motivation!!! =D


	4. Anguish

**Chapter 4: Anguish**

Pure silence. Goku's mind was completely blank. Still holding his arm up, his fist clenched, he shook convulsively as tears just seemed to trickle down his cheeks uncontrollably. 

Everyone stopped with their drinks, they found the act much more entertaining. "Is this guy for real?," asked a man in a brown shirt. "Nah, no way... this guy must be just crazy or sum'n...," his companion answered. Goku heard the mumbling, but he didn't care. The noise of his thoughts alone were confusing enough.

Finally, the bartender had finally mustered up enough courage to talk to this, seemingly under-age, customer. 

"Uh... sir... can I help you?, " he started cautiously. Goku slowly moved his head towards him, slightly shaking as he did. His eyes were still wide and tear-stained. 

"Didn't..." He said under his breath.

"I-I'm sorry, I can't hear..." The bartender calmly said. 

"Didn't you ...see a man with red hair? You saw him, didn't you?!" Goku's voice started to gain strength. 

"Red Hair?" the bartender asked nervously. With Goku's expression, anybody who saw him would feel a little uneasy. 

"He was right beside me... right here!" Goku pointed to the red bar stool beside him.

"I-I'm sorry sir... but..."

"No way... no no no NO!!!" Goku held his head with his hands, and then looked up once again at the bartender. "Don't tell me... no one was seated here?"

The bartender nodded slowly. And Goku decided that it was no use staying any longer. 

He stood up, passed by the dazed, sober eyes of the customers and walked right out of the bar.

~~::Meanwhile::~~

Sanzo took a sip of his coffee as he flipped a page of the morning paper. With his legs rested upon the sofa, and with his glasses on the bridge of his nose, he didn't care about anything else but what he was reading right now. 

Hakkai carefully sliced the fruits they just bought, ironically, the way he cut them made it even more appetizing. Carefully adding the milk and sugar, it was about time that the salad was done. He paused a while, and smiled to himself, imagining how Goku would be licking his lips if he would be watching him right now. 

Gojyo sat impatiently, his legs one atop the other. He looked out the window, savoring the cigarette he had in his mouth. He wondered how long it would be till Hakkai was done with his cooking. He was getting bored... he even hoped that Goku was around to pick on. He couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't around yet.

"Hey Sanzo," Gojyo said, "Where's Goku? It's been almost half the day and I haven't even seen him yet."

"Why do you mind about the stupid monkey anyway? You two never seem to keep quiet and stop fighting." Sanzo remarked, not even looking up from his paper. 

"Tch..." Gojyo lightly bit on his cigarette "What? Hm.. That's exactly why I'm asking where he is. I need to practice my insensitivity skills, hehe."

"Why don't you find out where he is yourself? can't you see I'm busy?"

"But if you know where he is... why can't you just tell me where-"

"I SAID I'M BUSY!!!" Sanzo growled.

"Okay okay!!!" Gojyo stood from his chair, and decided to head for a place with a 'lighter' atmosphere. He walked to the kitchen.

"Hey Hakkai," Gojyo said as he peeked in from the counter window. "Have you seen Goku? I haven't seen him the whole day."

"Haha~! I bet he's just somewhere here..." Hakkai smiled, continuing to mix the temptingly- appetizing dessert. 

"Wait... you mean you don't know where he is either???" Gojyo asked, his cigarette barely hanging from his lower lip.

"Hahahaaaa! Yup... I went out early this morning, and upon returning, I just stayed in the kitchen." Hakkai smiled, his eyes closed. 

"Hmmmm... I wonder where the stupid monkey is; I'm getting really bored... Fine fine, thanks anyways. I'll go look for him."

As Gojyo started walking around again, Hakkai left him a final message

"Hey Gojyo, if you do find him, please tell him that we're having fruit salad for dessert today. At least you won't take a long time in coming back. Hahahahaaa!"

Gojyo simply smirked. He headed straight upstairs, towards the rooms. He thought it would be the best place to start. As he looked into Goku's room, he saw him, completely asleep...

"Just like a baby... monkey..." Gojyo smiled to himself. 

He walked towards the sleeping Goku, and slightly nudged him with the help of his foot. "Hey, baka saru!_ *stupid monkey* _You've been asleep half the day! Get up!!!"

Gojyo squatted, to get a closer look, and hoping to shout into his ear. "Hah... let's see if you can sleep much longer..." But Gojyo froze as he saw the tear-stained cheeks, and the seemingly sad expression of his companion. Gojyo could not help but feel similarly melancholy at the sight of it. "He must have had a bad dream or something..." Just then, Gojyo started to trail off into his childhood memories again. "Mother..." 

He shook his head. He looked at Goku with a stern face. "Geez, it's just a bad dream, he'll forget about it right after lunch!" Gojyo told himself. 

Gojyo shook Goku. "Hey Baka SARU!!! Wake up, I said!!! You don't want to miss lunch, do you?!" 

But still, nothing. 

Gojyo had a horrified look on his face. It was as if... "No... no way. If this is some sort of trick..." But despite him knowing that placing his ear to Goku's mouth would make him a vulnerable fool to the trick, Gojyo decided to make sure. "I could always bang him on the head if he-"

No sign of breathing. 

Gojyo was alarmed. He looked at the hyper companion they had each and everyday, who was now helpless and weak. 

"SAAAANZOOOO!!! HAAAKKKAAAAIIII!!!!" Gojyo screamed, his thoughts racing. He didn't know what to do. He always thought that everyone would have their day. But he always thought that he'd either he'd leave ahead of Goku or that Goku would leave the world because of an incredible, infallible foe.

Hakkai and Sanzo's hurried steps were soon audible, and it didn't take any longer that Sanzo and Hakkai came through the door. 

They looked at Goku and Gojyo, their face in sure surprise. Hakkai immediately knelt down beside Goku, and placed his index and middle fingers on a definite site of Goku's neck. He moved his fingers a couple of times, searching for that tiny pulse- a sign of life from his companion and a sign that they were wrong. 

Sanzo looked, for once, with great concern, and asked Gojyo, "What happened here? Who- what-" Gojyo simply looked up, back at Sanzo, and gave him a blank stare, his head slightly motioning left to right.

"I... I can't find a pulse," Hakkai said, his voice shaking. 

"No... how... this... this can't be happening... " Gojyo said, maintaining the blank stare on his face, his head shaking left to right.

Sanzo knelt down beside Goku, and saw the sad expression of his face, the dried path of tears on his cheeks. "Why..." He muttered under his breath. He closed his eyes and stood up. "Someone... someone did this..."

And in the middle of all the anguish, they suddenly felt a presence watching them. They all looked at the window, and saw a momentary figure, which suddenly turned to a black blur and disappeared. 

"Follow it!" Sanzo burst out. Hakkai nodded, and looked at Gojyo. Gojyo understood. 

Hakkai and Sanzo raced out towards the window, and onto the rooftop, going after the blur that was racing away from them. 

Meanwhile, Gojyo stayed behind and continued to watch his comrade. His face was a mix of sadness, anger and confusion. He even forgot about the died-out cigarette, which was still in his mouth. "Why did it have to be you... why now?" Gojyo asked, as if expecting Goku to answer back, "Goku... Why did it have to be you???" Gojyo slammed his fist against the wall... tears flowing from his tightly-closed eyes as he bit hard on his cigarette.

Author's note: Hey hey! Sorry for the really delay for the continuing chapter!!! So many activities in school, so little time. But anyways, I'm trying to study more about writing so at least these chapters (And hopefully, the chapters to come) would be more worthwhile for the readers. ^___^ 

AAAH! I killed Goku in this chapter!!! Goku fans, please don't kill meee! There must be an answer for this! (As soon as I can figure it out) Er, and I'm not really sure when the next chapter is coming out... hmmm, hopefully... SOOON!!!! Till then, please don't plan anything against me!!! *begs on her knees*

Oh yeah, oh yeah, this is a revised version! ^___^ Hehehe! And thank you so very much to those who reviewed my fics!

"YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION!!!" :D


	5. Betrayal

Disclaimer: I said it before and I'll say it again... The Saiyuki boys aren't mine. But in this chapter, Shi is my own creation ^___^

**Chapter 5: Betrayal**

Sanzo and Hakkai followed the vague silhouette as fast as their feet could. It had been decades since they had to exert this much effort to catch up with anyone. 

"Tch... what kind of-" Sanzo mumbled to himself. 

Hakkai nodded in approval. It was evident that Sanzo was getting tired of the chase. But if it had anything to do with Goku, it certainly was worth it. 

"Let's split... we'll cover more ground that way. Plus, there's a probability to corner him," Hakkai suggested. 

Sanzo gave no response, but quickly took of into the eastern direction. Hakkai simply smiled, and quickly swerved into the opposite direction. 

~:: Meanwhile::~

Gojyo sat on the floor, his back resting upon the wall. He couldn't bear what he was seeing. His old friend now looked like a somewhat ethereal figure, lifeless and limp. He never thought he'd see the day...

"Why did this have to happen to you?..." Gojyo asked, not expecting any answer. It seemed that he knew he only had himself to talk to, but he didn't hesitate to try to act calm and relaxed as he always did.

"Why couldn't it have been me instead?... What did you do to have to go through this?... Tch... Last night... Maybe I should have given you that last meat bun, huh? heh, heh-" Gojyo tried to laugh, but it ended in a lifeless chuckle accompanied by irrepressible tears. 

He covered his face with his hands, ashamed for his lifeless friend to see the state he was in. He couldn't hold in the fiery emotion within him; he felt like his chest was ablaze and that if he held it in any longer, he would explode. 

He slowly looked up, uncovering his face. The tears formed scattered streams upon his face. He choked as he tried to continue his monotonous laugh. 

"D-dam--" Gojyo started to curse, but he felt as if that would be a desecration in front of his companion. "...If I took your place... would it have been any better?" He pondered. "If you didn't... didn't... die... and I did..." He paused a bit. 

"Would you cry for me too?" Gojyo said softly. 

He started to imagine how things would have been if he took Goku's place now. He started to see Goku poking him to wake him up, and upon realizing what happened, going hysterical. He started to imagine him calling Sanzo and Hakkai, crying and shouting so loudly that it would have awakened Gojyo from the dead. The thought put a momentary smile on his face.

"Yeah... it would have been better, probably... But that doesn't change anything right now, does it?"

Gojyo moved closer to Goku, resting his weight on his knees. He then diverted his gaze to the window. He contemplated as he saw the soft sunlight peeking through the dusty glass. His gaze followed the trail of the light, where it stopped at the table, which had a small bottle of fruit juice- the fruit juice Gojyo hid the other day for himself. 

"Hey... that's..." Gojyo said, slightly annoyed, "You..." he looked as Goku, "Don't tell me you..." Gojyo stared at Goku, trying to hide his annoyance. 

"Hehe... you... stupid monkey..." Gojyo said, smiling softly.

He reached for the bottle, holding it casually with his right hand. He made a toasting gesture to Goku. 

"Here's to you, pal..." He said softly, smiling, and teary-eyed once again.

And he drank.

~::Back to Hakkai and Sanzo::~ 

All alone, Hakkai clearly saw the figure. He was starting to lose his stamina. Traveling at break-neck speed, it was unbelievable how this figure kept on going. He saw as the figure then turned at a corner. He quickly changed direction. 

He lost sight of the black figure. He was alarmed at its sudden disappearance. "How did he-" Hakkai asked himself, unable to process how it all happened. 

"Where'd he go?!" He heard a familiar voice say. He looked beside him, and saw Sanzo once again, keeping pace and just as bewildered at the event. 

"He should be tired by now!" Hakkai implied. "How can anyone have that kind of stamina?!"

Sanzo showed that he agreed by keeping silent. This thing couldn't have possibly been just any youkai... with its god-like speed, it was possible that it was, indeed, a god. 

The two continued to run, clinging on a hope that they can get to whoever this was, and prove that Goku was still with them.

Suddenly, they saw the figure once again, but it had stopped. It was standing in an alleyway. And in a strange way, though it was far, they could see that it was facing them. They continued to run, and seeing that it no longer moved, they stopped a few meters in front of it.

With a puzzled look on their face, the two stood quietly across their supposed adversary, waiting for him to explain whatever he could.

"Did that exercise invigorate you... or are you all tired now?" The figure said slyly. 

"Who are you?!" Sanzo demanded.

"Ohhhh... so it is you, Sanzo. Finally, we meet here." He said calmly.

"What an old line! You could use some originality!" Sanzo said mockingly. "Who are you?!"

"My, my, what a temper!" The figure said. He stepped closer, revealing at least the look of his clothes. 

"Taking too long to introduce yourself won't help at all..." Hakkai said, smiling scornfully.

"That friend of yours wasn't supposed to die... Sanzo was my target." The man said casually. He slowly stepped closer, and by now his face was distinguishable. 

The two gasped at what they saw.

"You're... how could that possibly be... your skill..." Hakkai rambled, his thoughts were now as jumbled as ever at the sight. Even Sanzo, who had pure shock written all over his face, couldn't say anything.

"What? You were expecting a god?" The man said disdainfully. "Is it really impossible... that... I'm human?"

"Human..." Sanzo mumbled.

"Just to let us know each other better... my name is Shi Mou Rou..."

"Wait... that's... a woman's name, isn't it?" Hakkai asked.

"Yes, it is... And I AM a woman."

The two observed their adversary. Could there be any more that he could say? It just seemed that everything he said made them more and more delusional.

With the black, rugged cropped hair that reached only up to the end of her ears, and the loose, black collared shirt and leather pants she wore, one would have easily mistaken her for a man. Without a trace of makeup and rather strong features, even women would have thought her as a 'handsome' person. 

"So... does it matter that I'm a woman? Remember what I did to your friend!!! You guys get so confused easily, it's a surprise why Kou-sama hadn't gotten to you guys until now." She said with contempt.

"She's with Kougaiji?!" Sanzo thought. "Why would someone with her capability work for him? With her skill, she could have gotten rid of him easily!"

"Hmph... You're still a murderer, no matter what you say you are! You better tell us what you know or -and I swear- you're going to feel really sorry for it!" Hakkai said irritably. His sudden turn of emotion shocked even Sanzo. 

"Oh really?" Shi exclaimed, licking her lips in delight, "Then show me what you got!!!"

She vanished all at once in front of the two, then reappeared in a blur just inches away from them for just a split second. The two didn't even have a time to exhale. 

"Sanzo!" Hakkai cried out, and at once, Sanzo understood. They pressed their backs against each other, looking out on opposite directions as they waited for their foe's next move.

"Hahahahahah!!! That won't help you out at all!" Shi's voice echoed, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"She's too fast..." Hakkai whispered to Sanzo. "We can't even see her!"

"The only advantage we have is to predict what she does next..." Sanzo answered.

"Alright... then, that's what we'll do."

"I'm right ahead of you."

The two took off in separate directions. 

It wasn't long till Sanzo saw the figure following him, and then gaining speed amazingly. Sanzo stopped, skidding as he did, turning to face his adversary. He quickly tried to dodge the punch, but was unable to avoid the following kick, which sent him tumbling across the path. 

Sanzo tried to get up, but Shi rested her foot on him. She gave an eerie laugh, and looked down upon him. 

"You'll make me feel sorry, huh?" She said mockingly.

"No... Hakkai said that." Sanzo answered, and then grinned.

Shi looked behind her, but it was too late- a relatively large blast of Hakkai's chi hit her right smack on her back, sending her flying and then crushing down on the pavement. She soon got up, and tried to dash, but found herself bumping against an unseen force. Surprised, she looked at any possible barrier there could have been, and she saw Hakkai, holding up his palm towards her; He had cast a barrier using his chi. 

"Tch..." She bit on her lip.

"It was reckless for you to say that Sanzo was your target, you know. You should have known that at least." Hakkai said, smiling. 

"Hah! You can't keep this up any longer. With all that running you did, you can hardly hold up this power of yours!"

"Oh really???" Hakkai smiled. 

Shi frowned. It was impossible that he could still have enough energy to use that barrier. The only way out was to distract him.

Hakkai drew the barrier closer to him and Sanzo.

"Now," Sanzo said casually, dusting himself as he slowly stood up, "What are you going to tell us?"

"What did you do to Goku?!" Hakkai demanded. He locked eyes with Shi, and the anger he showed through his eyes made Shi want to crawl out of her skin. But, not letting that get to her pride, she quickly and confidently answered,

"Why should I tell you?"

Sanzo's eyebrows met. He was getting sick and tired of these games. And the longer this continued, the more Goku's life was in danger. And that must have definitely been her motive. 

"This barrier can easily shrink, you know what happens after that." Hakkai said, his glare growing even stronger, but at the same time, he had a malicious smile on his face.

Shi's nerves crawled. "Hah! Like I'd believe that. If you did that, you'll never return your friend!"

"That's fine... besides, torture is always an option." Sanzo said, catching on to Hakkai's motive. 

Shi looked away, and bit harder on her lip which was now beginning to bleed. The pain of her pride was greater than the pain she inflicted upon herself. She was furious at how weak she was to fall for their trap.

"It's... it's a poison... there's no use" She answered, agitated. "It simply makes you sleep, but after that, you never wake up... unless..."

"Unless what?!" Sanzo demanded, he was scared as ever at the revelation.

"Unless he's that strong... Only he has the power to fight it, that is, if he realizes it..."

The two were silent for a while, but then Hakkai spoke up.

"Where did you put the poison?"

"I put it in those drinks... I put it there for Sanzo. I thought the juice was for him but-"

"The juice?!" Sanzo exclaimed

Shi nodded. 

Sanzo remembered that Gojyo was left behind, and if Goku drank it, it was possible that Gojyo could get his hands on it too. He quickly took off, Hakkai at once following him, despite the extra weight he was carrying.

~::Meanwhile::~

Goku trudged along the dirt-covered path of the town. He felt empty as ever, and soon started to forget where he was going. He was walking, but his thoughts were somewhere else. His eyes lost their bright color, and his once-energetic body was now similar to a zombie's. 

He looked up, and realized that he had wandered off into the trail leading into the forest. He didn't care, with all the events that took place, it felt like nothing mattered anymore. 

He sat upon a big rock which situated itself in the middle of the forest. Goku pondered about the possibility of demons coming to attack him. 

"Let them kill me then..." He said blankly.

"Let who kill you?" A voice suddenly asked.

Goku turned around to find the source of the familiar sound, that familiar voice that always seemed angry and had always shouted at him...

"Sanzo!!!" Goku shouted in delight as he saw his friend there, walking towards him. He quickly jumped down from the rock, and then ran towards his friend.

He stopped just in front in Sanzo, and then he started to doubt. He remembered the events that had just transpired. Could it have been possible that he was just another illusion?

Goku held out his hand, and touched Sanzo's hair. He softly ran his fingers through it, and his eyes grew wide, and so did his smile, as he felt the softness of his friend's sunlight-like mane. 

"What are you doing?" Sanzo closed his eyes, seemingly annoyed.

Goku quickly withdrew his hand, and put it behind his back. But it wasn't long before he jumped and hugged Sanzo with all his might.

"Why did you leave me???... Where did you go??... I... I missed you..." Goku said in a child-like tone. 

Sanzo paused, his eyes wide. It took him some time to realize what was going on.

As soon as he realized what Goku was doing...

**~WHAPAAAMMMMMM!!!~**

Sanzo folded his arms across his chest, as his right hand held on tightly to his trusty fan. And as usual, Goku held his head as he chanted in pain.. 

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!!" He shouted, but deep inside, he was glad things were back to normal.

They soon sat down together. Sanzo sat down in a lotus position, and, with his eyes closed, meditated upon things that Goku might have never understood. Goku grew impatient with the silence. He couldn't believe how insensitive Sanzo was. After the ordeal he went through, the least that he could do was explain where he had been all day, or at least explain why they all left him behind like that. 

Goku pouted, and he pondered on what happened at the fruit stand and at the bar. He decided to tell Sanzo about what happened. But as soon as he opened his mouth, Sanzo had cut him off.

"Goku." Sanzo said, as Goku opened his mouth wide, ready to say something.

"Huh???" Goku said instead.

"I... have to show you something..." Sanzo said as he slowly opened his eyes.

Goku quickly stood up and dusted the dirt off his pants. "Sure! I'm game!" He said in anticipation.

The two walked in an area that seemed to be hidden and forgotten by the town. Everything started to grow misty, and forest creatures were looking more and more strange. Goku felt chills going down his spine, but he simply shook his head and diverted his attention to his companion.

Sanzo stopped in his tracks. "Here..." He said, with a stoic expression.

Goku wondered about what he was talking about, and soon realized that Sanzo was looking at a cave. 

"This... this is where I found you..." He said

Goku quickly ran to the entrance of the cave, and saw the vast darkness within it. Despite the moist ground they walked on going there, the cave's floor was dry, and stony. 

"Ah-re? Where you found me?" Goku asked. "I always thought it was in anoth-"

Goku suddenly felt a strong push from behind him; he unexpectedly moved forward, stumbled and fell, crashing his face onto the rough terrain. He slowly stood up, shocked at the thought that it could only have been his friend who inflicted that force. 

He looked behind him, seeing the great contrast of the light from the entrance and the darkness he was now in. 

"S-sanzo... that wasn't very funny..." Goku said, forcing a smile.

Sanzo glared at him, and said nothing.

Goku got up, but as soon as he got a meter close to the entrance, something held him back. He looked at the source, and saw that his wrists were with rusty, old shackles which had now created a wound on his skin.

"What... where did this-" Goku looked at the shackles, but then he heard the click of metal. He looked up, and suddenly saw that there was now a gate between him and the light. He was trapped, and he could do nothing but stare blankly at his friend.

Sanzo looked down on him, and slowly opened his mouth.

"Baaaaka Saru*..." He said forcefully. (*stupid monkey)

That statement tore Goku's heart into pieces, and he felt as if his soul departed from his body. His head was blank, and he couldn't process what was going on.

"Sanzo... what's the meaning of this???" Goku said softly, forcing another smile.

"SHUT UP!!!" Sanzo barked, "I've had it with that stupid, whiny voice of yours! This may not be where I found you... but this is where I'm going to leave you!"

"S-sa.." Goku said, fighting back his tears.

"You never mattered. All you did was cause us more trouble! You are not of any help...You useless... little... stupid... monkey..."

Goku locked his eyes on the bright figure, which was growing hazy as tears filled his eyes.

"You never mattered..."

And with that, Sanzo turned his back on Goku, and walked away.

"SAAAAANZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Goku yelled at the top of his lungs, as he watched in disbelief as his companion didn't even stop to hear him one last time...

"S-Saaanzzooooo!" Goku said with his remaining breath, the word now audible only to him. 

He closed his eyes as tears uncontrollably flowed down from his eyes and unto the dry, stony ground. 

"Sanzo..." Goku said one last time. In his thoughts, he contemplated on only one statement...

"The sunlight is gone... nothing matters anymore... Just let me die....let me die..."

He closed his eyes, and curled up on the floor as the last three words played over and over in his head.

"Let me die..." He said under his breath.

**Author's note:** Hiiii!!! Thanks soooo very much to those who constantly review my work! You have inspired me soooo much to continue. I know I took a long time to create the next chapter, and luckily I was able to swipe some time to continue! hehehe! (can't tell you what I was supposed to be doing though XD) *Ahem* anyways... This is the third time I've revised this chapter. I can't believe that I submitted this chapter with so many errors! Grammatical errors really turn off the reader's mood... T_T ...and I guess I'm of no exception... ^_^ I want to give my best with whatever I do!!! (Okay, fine...so you've noticed my being an obsessive-compulsive XD)

ah... I'm sorry if you guys found the action scene of Shi a little... fast. Honestly, I'm not much of an action whiz ^_^;; er, but I hope you guys found this chapter exciting! ^_^ Uhm, if ever there are any more errors, etc., kindly notify me, k? :D


	6. Hope

Disclaimer: And yet again... these characters aren't mine, except for Shi Mou Rou ^_^ Thanks!

**Chapter 6: Hope**

Sanzo and Hakkai ran back to the inn, running as fast as their feet could take them. Hakkai was losing his stamina, but he couldn't risk letting his guard down; only Shi knew how to return Goku. 

Their ran on the rooftop, since they didn't want to cause a scene. Besides, it was the easiest way back to Goku's room. 

Finally they caught sight Goku's room, where they saw Gojyo's figure resting on the wall, inanimate as a doll.

" No..." Sanzo muttered under his breath as he felt a cold sensation in his nerves. 

Upon reaching the window, Hakkai immediately placed Shi in the corner of the room, which helped him use a lot less of his chi. Sanzo, on the other hand, quickly went towards Gojyo. Gojyo was slumped against the wall, his eyes were closed and his hand clenched on a bottle of fruit juice. 

The two looked in horror as they thought of the worst thing that could happen- that Gojyo also drank the poison. 

Sanzo felt Gojyo's neck, searching for a pulse. His index and middle fingers trembled as he continually searched for a sign of life. Hakkai could only watch, and Shi stared blankly. 

"Is this the heartless Sanzo group Kou-sama was talking about?" She pondered. "I never saw any fighting group like this... usually they'd just accept a comrade's death. If Kou-sama is right, then why are they wasting their time? They would have just moved on..."

"Hah!" Sanzo, sighed in relief

"I found his pulse..." His tone with a hint of relief in it. 

Hakkai smiled. He too was relieved with the news. "Well then..." he exclaimed, "There's still time to reverse the poison... right, Shi?" He looked at Shi, who was still a prisoner of his chi barrier. 

"His pulse..." Sanzo said with concern, "If we don't make it in time... he might..." 

"You must have an antidote with you," Hakkai said, cutting Sanzo off, "Or do you want us to find that out ourselves?"

"Even if you do torture me... you won't get the cure. There is no antidote..."

"WHAT?!" Sanzo barked, his rage burning.

" I only created the potion once before, and it did have an antidote. I stopped using it after that because I didn't find any enjoyment in such an easy way to finish my mission. But knowing that you guys were against me on this mission, I decided to use it again. I didn't want to waste so much time..."

" So then... what was the antidote before???"

Shi Mou Rou didn't speak. She didn't know what to do at the moment. She was hopeless, there was no way she could escape. Even when she thought she could escape the moment Hakkai had his attention diverted, he had astonishingly maintained his concentration on his barrier. If she was to answer now, Kou would most probably kill her when she returned... but that seemed like a better option than if he were to look at her with disgust.

She shivered.

"I..." She slowly stammered.

"What? Cat got your tongue? Are you scared?"

She looked up, and frowned. She hated Hakkai's sarcasm, and she hated Sanzo's stare even more. 

"I... don't know..." She said nervously. 

"What do you mean, "I don't know?!" Sanzo questioned. 

"You have no knowledge about it or you're just scared to say it? Either way, if we see that you're just wasting our time... the result will just be the same for you... and it won't be a pleasant one." Hakkai added, maintaining a calm tone in his voice.

"I can't believe you..." Shi said angrily, "You have no idea... how hard this is... The trust Kougaiji-sama put in me... And now that I've broken that trust I have no idea how I can face him... I can't even bear myself anymore!!!" Shi clenched her fist, with her head bowed down, all that Hakkai and Sanzo could see was her forced smile. 

"If you do plan to kill me... maybe... maybe that would be the best option for me right now because... because there's no way you guys can make another antidote!!!" Shi looked up, her eyebrows meeting, and her smile now overcome by a forceful frown.

Hakkai looked at her with a bit of sympathy. He knew that she was an enemy, but knowing that his friend also was in danger, there really could be any other way than to threaten her. Sanzo, on the other hand, hated the idea that she wanted them to feel sorry for her. He simply looked away.

"Damn it!!!" Sanzo swore, "All we need to know is how to make an antidote! Why are you making this so hard for all of us?! What is with that antidote thats so impossible?!"

Shi's frown turned into a vague smile once again. She felt a little pleasure in seeing Sanzo react like this; his weakness was becoming more and more evident.

Sanzo reached for his gun. "S-Sanzo, what are you..." Hakkai asked in disbelief as he saw Sanzo reloading his gun. 

"This girl is even worse than Goku and Gojyo's blabbering combined! She's no use for us... if it's going to be like this, we might as well end this irritating-"

"I know that gun is for demons only," Shi said calmly. 

"Oh yeah, you think you know a lot, huh?" Sanzo said as he make the gun click as he returned it to it's usual form. He held it at point blank range, pointing towards Shi.

"Now..." he said, emotionless as ever, "Are you going to tell us or..."

Sanzo didn't continue his statement. Pure silence reigned. Hakkai looked at him, his eyes wide with confusion. Sanzo wasn't really holding back. And Hakkai knew, that if he really did go on with killing Shi... it would be the first female human foe that he'd ever killed. He never knew he would be capable of doing it. And he also realized that if he did... it really would be impossible for them to return both Goku and Gojyo. 

"I..." Shi stammered, looking into the gun's barrel. 

"What?" Sanzo asked sarcastically, "Am I scaring you even more???"

"If I am going to die here... at least... maybe..."

Hakkai shifted his gaze towards Shi. "Is she going to say it?" He pondered. "Did we actually intimidate her?"

"I know you guys are my enemies... but I can't deny..." Shi paused, and bit her lip, "but I can't deny that you guys... really have something special. I made that antidote in the past, because I... I was so stupid..." A tear rolled down her cheek "My father worked for this group that always got their money through dirty tricks, he was their alchemist, so to say. He always told me how he didn't want this life for me... He wanted me to be someone better... someone who could at least make a difference... but not through the way he did. He taught me all I knew... but... I... wanted even more."

Sanzo unconsciously lowered his gun. Hakkai couldn't help but feel even more sympathy for Shi Mou Rou.

"I wanted so much that... when I heard of the sleeping death potion he had created, I wanted nothing but to know how to create the concoction. Luckily I found the formula, but I realized that I still couldn't use it until I knew the antidote. Of course he was enraged, and he refused to tell me... but I was so greedy that... that..." She whimpered. "I drank the potion and told him that there was no other way but to reveal the antidote. It was only then that I realized..."

"Realized what?" Sanzo asked, his voice firm.

"The only antidote was his blood... He cut his wrist in front of me, and gave me the formula on how to create it. I have no idea back then why that had to be included... but before he died, he told me that blood was a fluid of life, and its properties were so magical that there was no other fluid or material on earth that could replace it..."

"So..." Hakkai said softly, "The only antidote would be... either me or Sanzo... our blood? Does it mean that we have to... die as well?"

"Yes." Shi bowed her head. 

"Why? If it needs our blood, why does it have to mean our death? And if we did give our blood, what proof do we have that you'd make the antidote... or that you're even telling us the truth?" Hakkai asked, knowing that Sanzo was in a silent shock at the moment.

Shi paused a while.

"I doubt that you could have made that story all up in such a small amount of time... But it's possible, right?" Hakkai ended the silence, "I'm sorry but, with the short span of time we have spent in knowing each other, it would be careless to trust you just like that... If you get my blood, Sanzo stays, but then with him all alone, who knows what a skilled assassin like you could do. On the other hand, if you get Sanzo's blood, the journey ends. And I doubt that me removing my device would help... either way, we lose... all of us die."

"I have no proof... but if you really want to risk your friends... this is the only way. The reason why this antidote needs so much blood is because this poison is like a leech... It drains the victim both emotionally and physically. He'd think that he was in a dream but the truth is that, the more he succumbs to the dream, the more blood he looses. There's no way to defeat it... but to have an incredibly strong state of mind and body."

"So... it's come to this..." Sanzo contemplated, as he stared back at his two lifeless comrades. 

~::Meanwhile::~

Goku lay down on his side, curled up with his arms hugging his legs. He felt the numbness in his limbs, but he didn't care. For him, that position was the only way he could feel secure and warm. He knew that was growing immune to the warmth, but each time he did, he just hugged tighter, feeling the pain of a thousand pricks of needles in his limbs. His blood circulation was lessened each time he held on tighter, he knew that feeling those prickles meant that he had to stretch, but the idea of losing his security was almost as bad as the thought of death- in fact, he thought death would be better.

"Why..." Goku thought, feeling another tear run over his roughened cheek, trickling so slowly that it felt like eternity, "Why did he have to leave me here? Why would they do such a thing???"

"You never mattered..."

Goku envisioned over and over as Sanzo said that statement, and then turned and walked away. He wanted to cry even more, but his eyes burned so much that he thought that he actually ran out of tears. Nothing would come out anymore. 

"If blood has to pour out of my eyes... I don't care... nothing matters anymore..." Goku sniffed, and held on even tighter, feeling prickles in his feet once again. All he could see now was the misty light flowing through the bars at the entrance. Everything seemed misty to him, his eyes grew dull by the hour. He lost track of time; he had no idea how many days it had been. 

"I'd been trapped before... for more than a hundred years... but how come... this feels even worse?"

Goku shut his eyes as he tried to remember his past. He always tried to erase the vague memory of his imprisonment, but he always found himself remembering fragments of that memory every now and then. He remembered the little bird, his only friend, which usually came into the cave... until it came for one last time... and died in front of him. He remembered the sunlight, how he hated its presence, how he scorned it for tormenting him as he was trapped in the vast silence and darkness of the cavern. And lastly, he remembered as Sanzo held out his hand to him, letting him grasp his hand and finally feel the word he had always longed... Freedom. 

"Why would they do such a thing??? After all that time… I knew they hated me at times, but they also proved how much they cared for me... There were good times and bad times, but we went through all of them without regret... we proved ourselves... so why... why now? Why did they do this to me? And why... why was Sanzo the only one who was real? Was my imagination going wild? I swear I saw Gojyo and Hakkai but... why..." Goku contemplated on everything, his head started to hurt so much from the questions and from the confusion. He couldn't understand anything that had happened. He wished he was dreaming.

"If this is a dream... why does it feel so real? Why don't I wake up now?" He paused a while.

"...Wake up, that's it!" Goku's eyes widened, but his face was still somewhat emotionless. He then slowly released his legs from his hug, feeling the pricks, painful as ever. He screamed as he felt the pain grow greater. It felt like the prickles didn't only attack his legs and his arms, but even extended to his heart. The pain was unbearable, and Goku sat up, frozen waiting for the pain to finally end. He screamed as it slowly diminished. It felt like the pain would last for an eternity. 

As the pain finally grew weaker, Goku found the strength to fix his position. He sat up, resting his back upon a big rock. He heard the clanging of the chains as he moved, and he felt as they scratched his wrists, creating a wound and making them bleed. He looked in wonder at the shackles, and saw the sticky red fluid flow down slowly. If this was a dream, the pain should have awakened him by now. 

"Am I dreaming??? Am I dreaming??? I should be... I must be... I am... I am DREAMING!!!" Goku banged his wrists against the rock, making the clash create an even bigger wound. 

Blood splattered onto his face, but he didn't care. He felt the tremendous pain as the shackles embedded them deeper into his skin, he saw as the rust slowly mixed with the blood. He shivered as the pain grew stronger by the minute, but if he could wake himself up, it sure would be worth it. He pictured his friends, staring down at him, telling him that he had been asleep half the day already, and that breakfast was almost gone. He pictured Hakkai creating another sumptuous meal in the kitchen as Hakuryu stood nearby. He envisioned Gojyo, with a smirk on his face, and challenging him to another duel. And lastly, he pictured Sanzo, with his irritated look, glowering at him and holding his fan, but ironically, showing how much he cared. 

Goku pounded harder, over and over, feeling numb from all the pain. He felt nothing anymore, and with his thoughts diverted, he didn't know what he was doing anymore. It felt like a reflex. He thought only of waking himself up, and then running towards his friends, telling them what a weird dream he had. 

The shackles finally broke.

Goku opened his eyes, hearing the sound of breaking metal. He looked down, and saw his wrists, overflowing with blood, as pieces of metal and rust mixed in with it while other pieces had embedded into his flesh. He shook at the sight. He was finally free of the shackles, but that only meant one more thing...

This wasn't a dream.

~::Meanwhile::~

Silence overcame them all once again. The chi barrier was losing its glow, but it was still strong enough to hold in Shi Mou Rou. Hakkai's emotions wavered. He had no idea what to do. Sanzo, on the other hand, didn't let his emotions get to him, but he realized that it would be impossible. 

Sanzo knew that the mission was in their hands. If Hakkai had decided to use his blood, and it did work, then they would just arrive at another question... "for whom would the antidote be?" 

If they would choose Goku, he would probably go nuts at the realization of everything that happened, and even more, seeing Gojyo's state. On the other hand, if they would choose Gojyo, the strength the two would possess would probably be on the same level as Hakkai's. Knowing that Hakkai had a healing power with his chi, there would be no other way to recover if they got fatally wounded in battle. The mission would be impossible... knowing the force that guards the territory of Gyu Mao, just two of them wouldn't stand a chance... No matter how strong they had gotten, there was no way that they could infiltrate with just the both of them. 

Hakkai nodded. "Okay... I just to know one more thing... why does it have to be us?"

Shi looked up, and was surprised. With the way Hakkai asked the question, there was no doubt that whatever answer she would give, he would be willing to give up his life... he was willing to risk the creation of the antidote. 

"... Father wasn't able to explain that... but I think it's because... this may sound crazy but... the emotional bond between the two individuals somehow strengthens their blood. Thus, the antidote becomes strong enough to let the victim recover all the blood that he had lost- in fact, more than that. I don't know why that happens, and I would completely understand it more if the blood for the antidote was supposed to be from a person closely related, and by that, I mean that they were in the same family."

"So... if it was used between strangers..."

"Well, it is still possible. The formula never did specify that... This is why I told you that the antidote was impossible! Who knows what could happen..."

"Then all that matters is that they were really close..." Hakkai stated. He glanced at Sanzo. 

Hakkai smiled his usual smile, his eyes closed. "Okay then, Sanzo... I guess... it's all in your hands now. It seems that there's no way but to trust her..."

Sanzo looked at Hakkai, his mouth slightly ajar. "What do you mean?! We haven't even thought this all out!!!"

"Well... I know that this is a great risk... but if you look at it... there really is no way that we could reverse this situation. Those two would be probably be strong enough to overcome the poison, but the possibility of that happening is 1 to 100. If that miracle does happen, then we're saved... but if it doesn't, we'd have waited in vain."

Sanzo, for once, showed sadness in his eyes. If it wasn't for the way he controlled his emotions, he would have been crying by then.

"I'm willing to take that risk..." Hakkai continued, smiling. "All of you took that risk for me once... now all I'm doing is returning the favor..."

"By killing yourself? That's pretty... shallow..." Sanzo forced a grimace.

Hakkai knew that deep inside himself, Sanzo was feeling as melancholy as ever. That statement he said was all he could do to make Hakkai change his mind. 

"Shallow, huh? Too bad then... hahaha" Hakkai laughed heartily. "Well then, I guess that this is the only way out. Whether you like it or not... this is for us. I do trust that you're strong enough to hold back Ms. Shi Mou Rou, since you are the only one who can control Goku..." And at that moment, Hakkai released his chi barrier. 

Shi looked up, her, eyes looking sad and empty.

"Thank you... I'm glad you believed my story... I'm... so... happy..."

Shi's eyes suddenly changed, and she smirked. She suddenly vanished, with an incredible speed. She knocked down Hakkai, making him unconscious and crippling him from doing anything. In a split second, she hit Sanzo on his nape, making him unconscious as well. Seeing them finally unconscious, she smiled. 

She walked slowly, and then squatted beside Sanzo, brushing the stray, golden hair from his face, she smiled. "Such a pretty face... It was sad that I had to pour out my heart like that... kinda made me feel pathetic, but you know... it's business... I can't give up that easily. Okay then, before you awaken..."

She reached into Sanzo's pocket, searching for the Sutra, and she soon felt a smooth paper rub against her fingers. She reached it and pulled it out from Sanzo's pocket. 

She held the Sutra tightly. she stood up, and then looked down at Sanzo one more time... 

"Such a pity I have to leave you... I wish we could've gotten to know each other..."

Just then, Shi saw a glint of silver fly, and felt tightness around her waist. She looked in shock, as she saw a metal chain wrap around her arms and waist. 

"And where do you think you're going?" She heard a voice say. 

She felt a tug, and fell helplessly onto the floor. She looked up, and she saw Gojyo, standing right above her. 

"No way... you drank the poison!!! How did you?"

"Well, I was going to drink it, but the moment it touched my lips I felt that something was wrong. Knowing Goku, it would have been real stupid of me not to suspect anything about this bottle... there must be a connection, you know. And besides, it smelled funny." Gojyo made a sarcastic smile. 

"No... but Sanzo..." Anger and confusion overcame Shi as she tried to speak.

"Well, I kinda dozed off... It just so happened that I woke up in the middle of your sad life story... I'm real sorry that you had to go that far... I would've been humiliated myself, if I were you... hehehe!" Gojyo smirked. 

"D-darn..." Shi grumbled. She was so close to getting away with it all. 

Gojyo walked towards the dropped Sutra, and placed it back into Sanzo's pocket. And then, walking towards the end of the room, he then sat down, letting his back rest upon the wall once again while he kept hold of his weapon. 

"So, about the antidote... were you really bluffing about that? I mean, if there really is no antidote... then we will just have to take care of everything ourselves." Gojyo placed a cigarette in his mouth with his left hand, and lighted it. 

"Tch... as if I'm going to tell you anyway..." Shi Mou Rou grumbled, while she stared coldly at Gojyo, who was smiling sarcastically. 

Just then, Sanzo started to regain consciousness, and so did Hakkai. As soon as they saw the silver chain, and the two people conversing, they immediately sat up. 

"Gojyo!!!" Hakkai exclaimed "You're alright! We thought you also..."

"Yeah well, it was a close call." Gojyo answered back.

"Stupid..." Sanzo mumbled. 

"Hehe... thanks Sanzo, I know you care..." Gojyo smiled. 

Hakkai then looked down and walked towards the disabled adversary, and then he smiled his usual smile once again, "So, you just proved even more that we can't trust you. How foolish. Just let us know one thing before... well... we end it for you. Is there really an antidote or was that whole story a lie?" 

Shi Mou Rou bit on her lip once more. She was furious at the turn of events. This time, there was no way to escape... this was it for her. 

"Even if there was... I'd never tell you!" She screamed.

"Well then..." Sanzo calmly said, "good night..." He held up his gun.

Shi Mou Rou stared at the ebony-black gun, looking through its barrel. Just as Sanzo was about to pull the trigger, something suddenly hit Shi from behind. She turned her head, and she saw Hakkai, holding his palm up... and then everything went black.

The three paused. Hakkai then looked up, and then closed his eyes once again and gave out a cheerful smile. 

"Why did you do that?" Gojyo asked as he looked at Shi "Now she's unconscious, we can't let our guard down… who knows when she'll recover."

"Don't worry," Hakkai said reassuringly, "My chi drained her of every ounce of energy she needs... It will take her at least 3 days to regain her strength... Besides, I couldn't bear to see another bloodbath... she's still human, no matter how you look at it... I'm sure she had her foolish reasons too.... Humans are like that." he gave out a cheerful laugh.

"Well then... now that she's out of our way for now..." Sanzo turned and looked at Goku, who was still lifeless on his bed. 

"All we can do is wait for Goku to recover..."

"I know he'll be able to do it..." Gojyo said softly, "That baka saru always manages to get through these kinds of problems..." and Gojyo inhaled deeper. 

~::Meanwhile::~

Goku sat still, his eyes dazed at the sight of blood. His head throbbed with pain, and so did his wounded wrists. 

"I... I should be awake by now..." Goku whispered to himself. "Why? Why won't I wake up??? This must be a dream! There's no way that all these things are real!!! Noooo!!!"

Goku shook his head, and finally, he placed his hands on the floor. He stretched out his legs, still feeling a slight numbness in them. He then looked at the bright light that seemed blocked by the metal bars. 

He staggered, and then stood up. His body ached all over, but he didn't care anymore. He walked slowly, slowly taking each step and making his way to the entrance. Finally getting to the boundary, he placed his hands on the rusty metal that barred him from freedom. He felt its coldness, and its roughness...

"How could a dream feel this real?"

Goku tried to cry once again, but nothing would come out anymore. He felt more than exhausted, but he decided to stay there, just standing, looking through the metal bars. He saw nothing but mist, and he wondered how it happened that there was even any light. 

After a while, Goku couldn't feel or control his legs anymore, and he was forced to sit down. By now the blood on his wrists had dried, and the wounds had stopped bleeding. He looked at them once again, and then started to reminisce once more the best of times he had with Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo. He couldn't help but remember everything they had gone through, and through the memory he also tried to determine what went wrong, what he could have possibly done, and what caused all these things to happen. 

He tried his best, but he couldn't distinguish anything wrong in what he had done. In fact, he realized that he was always the one who had his head hit by a fan. He realized that it wasn't him who always started a fight because of boredom... and it most definitely wasn't his fault that they hadn't even reached at their destination yet. "Blame the map..." Goku thought. 

He lay down, his arms and legs spread out in opposite directions. By now, Goku started to feel the pain start to disappear. His confusion was starting to ebb... but he still couldn't deny the pain of betrayal that was eating on his soul. 

"I gave them nothing but my loyalty, my support... I admit that I did eat a lot, but how couldn't I? I mean, if they were trapped in a cave for more than a hundred years, they would probably be like me!" 

Goku paused a while. 

"Nobody knows me more than they do... and the same goes for me. If I lose control now... nobody will even know... nobody would care.

He paused again.

"Why did Sanzo do this? And besides that, did Hakkai and Gojyo have any part in this? What did I do wrong? What did I do to be placed in here again? Why is this happening all over again?"

Goku paused, and then the burning sensation within him grew greater. His rage was overcoming his emotions...

"I can't... I can't die here... I have to know why Sanzo did this to me!!! If I can't get out of here by my own power... and if I can't rely on Sanzo or the others... Then I'll just have to..."

Goku raised his hand with all the strength he had left. He then placed his hand on the demonic device, and then, feeling its coldness, he grasped it as tight as he could...

"I'll just have to rely on him..."

He yanked the protector off, threw it as far away as he could and then shut his eyes. There was complete silence... complete darkness...

Goku opened his eyes once again. He brought himself to sit up. He looked at his wrists once more...

"It... DIDN'T WORK?!" He cried, his eyes wide with disbelief.

Author's Note: Hiiii!!! Here's the sixth chapter!!! (obviously...) ^_^ Man, I never thought things would turn out this way (really, I didn't!) I guess everything just flowed out... kind of a spur of the moment. Real sorry that I took so long to upload yet again... it seems that I've been in a slump for the past week... (yeah, sure, blame it on your Gravitation marathon!!!) Ehehe, anyways, Thanks lots again for those who reviewed my work. I hope you guys like this chapter. (Although I feel as if I've been so cruel to Goku... *feel the burning, angry glares of Goku fans*) I promise, things will turn out okay for him!!! gulp...er... I hope. (I'm still trying to decide on what's going to happen for the next chapter... *scratches head* ^-^;) 


	7. Strength

Disaclaimer:  The Saiyuki boys aren't mine… I wish they were, but they aren't… Shi Mou Rou is my own character… (Oh, Yippee! :p) that's all. ^_^;

**Chapter 7: Awakening**

"Nothing…" Sanzo said blankly as he placed his index and middle finger on Goku's neck.

Hakkai and Gojyo kept quiet as they also stared at their lifeless companion. 

"How long till we… you know…" Hakkai glanced at Sanzo.

Sanzo gave no answer.

"I know it's useless to wait too long." Sanzo said as he looked up to Hakkai, "Let's give it three days… if he doesn't regain consciousness till then…"

"We'll have to move on." Gojyo replied melancholically as he kept his gaze on Goku.

Silence reigned once more as the three contemplated on the current situation. They didn't know what to do, and no matter how much they tried to figure out how to reverse the situation, it was hopeless. There was no way that they could "magically" turn back time; they couldn't make Goku spit out whatever he drank- since it was obvious that the poison had long been absorbed. And it was unlikely that they could trust Shi Mou Rou after her last attempt to get the Sutra. Even if she was telling the truth, it would be too much of a risk. They realized that all they could do now was to watch, hope and pray. 

~::Meanwhile::~

Goku felt his forehead; he was still speechless. By now he was even more confused by the turn of events.

"The device… didn't work…" He mumbled to himself.

He tried to arrange his thoughts and realizations about what had just happened. If the device didn't work, could it be that he was finally human? Was that ever possible? He knew how Hakkai turned from human to demon; but demon turning into human seemed too far-fetched.

Goku shook his head. "No, this isn't right." He thought. "If I really am human by now… The others would have probably told me about this!"

Goku paused.

"They didn't know… Or could it have been that they knew? Is this the reason… why I'm in here again?"

Goku shook his head again. By this time, he was feeling light-headed. The pain in his wrists had disappeared; his whole body was numb all over as he started to drift in his thoughts once more. 

"No… that couldn't have been it…" He tried to convince himself. "If they knew all about that… then they would have acted suspicious from the start! Besides… that doesn't connect at all to my hallucinations of Hakkai and Gojyo." 

Goku stood up, and although he couldn't feel his legs, he forced himself to move. He felt like he was floating, but he kept his mind focused on his every step- he didn't want to loose footing and then get up again, that would cost him more of his energy.

 He squinted as he tried to force his eyes to look through the darkness and to see the golden glimmer of his demonic device. As he took each step, his thoughts drifted further and further…

"Since it's impossible that the device lost its effect, why the heck didn't it work??? I can't possibly be human now, unless they made a conspiracy against me… Nah, that couldn't be it." Goku stopped in his tracks for a while, catching his breath, then started searching for his device again. "Could it be possible that I lost control again? It's happened before, why can't it happen again? It's possible, I mean, the reason why I'm locked up in this cave… maybe they thought it was too dangerous to hang around with me… If you ask me, Sanzo seems more dangerous… hmph." A click of metal echoed in the cave, Goku stopped in his tracks as he realized that he kicked something. Finally, he saw a glimmer of gold just a few paces ahead of him. 

Goku walks towards the device, and then bent down and picked it up. He looked at it closely. He never thought it possible to be able to hold that thing in his hands and be sane at the same time. He slowly got up and then walked back to the mouth of the cave. 

"Could it be possible that I lost consciousness?… that I killed Gojyo and Hak-"  Goku discontinued the phrase; the idea was too much for him. "Maybe what I saw weren't hallucinations… maybe they were haunting me." He shivered.

Finally getting to the metal gate, Goku sat down once again. He pondered all the more as he looked at the device he was holding. He passed his hands over the edges, the smooth design, and rubbed it as he studied this device for the first time. 

"No… could it be that my hands… that I… could it be that I killed them? Then… Sanzo locked me up in here because of that? That seems possible but… why would I take off my device in the first place? I don't remember anything… Nothing at all…"

Goku squinted as he rubbed his device. His eyes were burning again. He wanted to feel the tears… He wanted to end the burning sensation, but then there weren't any tears left. He couldn't stop crying the moment Sanzo turned his back on him…

"You never mattered…" Goku sniffled.

 "I never thought Sanzo would ever hate me that much. I never thought he would do this to me… I thought… I thought he cared… I thought they all cared…" Goku paused a moment.

 "Could it be that Sanzo… planned this conspiracy? I mean, could it be that he held a secret that he never wanted any one of us to know? Could it be that from the start, he had his own plans about dealing with Gyu Mao? …Could it be that he killed Gojyo and Hakkai?!" 

Goku hit his head with his hand. He wanted to punish himself for even thinking such a thing. 

"No… Sanzo would never do that… Even though he has a scary temper and even if he always acts cold, there's still no doubt that he cares for us as much as we do for him."

Goku held the device in front of his burning eyes. He squinted.

"If this is a dream, I have to wake up soon… I have to see them all again… And as soon as I open my eyes, I'm going to get up, run to Sanzo and ask him everything- I don't care if he hits me on the head a million times!!!"

Goku felt his heart grow stronger at the thought. And he wanted to see the look on his own eyes, he wanted to see the determination in them and say to himself that he was going to get out of this situation- dream or no dream… He slowly held the device in front of his face.

Goku paused as he looked. He was startled at what he realized.

He had no reflection.

~::Meanwhile::~

Sanzo opened his eyes. He realized that he had dozed off. He uncrossed his arms and got up from the chair he had fallen asleep in. He walked towards Goku and looked down at him again. "Still nothing," Sanzo whispered to himself as he looked at the sad expression on his comrade's face. He turned around, and saw that Gojyo, Hakkai as well as Shi were not in the room. He figured that they must have woken up earlier.

He went to check around the inn just to make sure. 

"Ohayo*!" he heard as he passed by the corridor. He saw Gojyo in the kitchen, along with Hakkai. Hakkai was cooking breakfast while Gojyo was just sitting; Gojyo watched Hakkai as he prepared the meal. (oh-hai-yoh *good morning)

"Where's Shi?" Sanzo asked at once, realizing that she was missing. 

"Oh!" Hakkai held up the spatula he was holding, "We placed her in the big storeroom"

"The storeroom?" Sanzo raised an eyebrow. 

"Actually, it was my idea. Hehe! But I thought that thing was a closet…" Gojyo answered as he grinned.

"No wonder… so cliché…" Sanzo said mockingly.

"What do you mean, "cliché"??" Gojyo asked, irritated.

"Hmph… " Sanzo looked at Hakkai, "Are you sure she wouldn't be able to escape from there?"

"No window and just one door… I doubt that she could get out easily since I locked it well. Besides, like I said, she won't be recovering until 2 days from today."

"The same day we leave…" Sanzo pondered. 

The three remained silent. Acting their usual way sure helped them to try to get over yesterday's event, but there was no doubt that they felt the void of Goku's absence. They all thought the same thing Sanzo did; the sadness was revived once again. 

"I'll go watch over Goku…" Sanzo said blankly; the sadness he had felt was now evident on his face.

"Yeah, you never know when that saru will get up!" Gojyo answered back slyly, trying to cheer everyone up.

"Yeah…" Hakkai nodded, smiling.

Sanzo walked back slowly to Goku's room; he passed by the door of the stockroom. It was only then that he had realized that there were three big locks newly installed… and on top of that, there was a big heap of junk that barred the door. Sanzo raised an eyebrow.

"Locked it well, huh? Hmph…" Sanzo mumbled then continued to make his way back to Goku's room. 

Upon reaching the room, he suddenly felt the heaviness in the air. The sadness grew greater in his soul as he saw Goku, still in the same position as they had seen him yesterday. Sanzo stood there for a while, then walked towards the windows, and opened the curtains. Sunlight flooded into the room, and the heavy feeling had lessened. A gale blew into the room, helping lighten the melancholy mood. 

Sanzo then sat down beside Goku, in lotus position. He looked at Goku and started to reminisce.

"You look like the sun!" He heard the statement echo in his mind, but he couldn't really remember when Goku really said that to him. 

"Hey Sanzo!!! Sanzo I'm hungry! Sanzo, are we there yet? Can we stop at the next village? Hey hey, that dumpling's mine!!! Hey Sanzo! Sanzo!!! Sanzoooooo…." Sanzo was lost in thought, remembering every line that Goku said… All the things he said on their trip, all the lines he said that annoyed him, the lines he used to pick a fight, the lines he used to say what was on his mind... how he said Sanzo's name as he smiled gleefully…

 Sanzo just looked at his friend. He realized how much he took that time for granted.

"I never thought you would end up like this…" Sanzo contemplated. "I always thought that you were invincible… I always thought that we would get to our destination… without doubt, without problems…"

Sanzo looked up again towards the windows, seeing the cheerful sunlight flowing into the room. 

"I know we'll get through this…" He said, convincing himself that Goku was listening. "You'll never be alone… no matter what…we'll never leave you." Sanzo said softly, as he slowly looked back at Goku. 

~::Meanwhile::~

Goku tried to calm himself as he realized that he had no reflection. He looked at the device but all he could see was the gold. There wasn't even a blur of his image. He put the device down for a moment then he rubbed his eyes…

"Nah… it can't be… I may be demon, but I'm no vampire…" Goku said to himself, trying to cheer himself up.

Goku held the device in front of his face once more. This time, he made sure that the light flowing into the cave was also touching him and the device. 

Not even a blur.

Goku's eyes widened. He put the device down, and put the rock in front of it. He at once saw the reflection. And he had no doubt by then, that his reflection's disappearance wasn't the device's fault.

"This is a dream… this is a dream… this is a dream…" He chanted. "I'm… going to wake up!!!" He shut his eyes tight.

Total silence.

Goku opened his eyes again… nothing changed. He clenched his fist despite his lack of energy. He gritted his teeth. He was determined to get out of the cave.

He stood up; he held the metal bars. He bent down, got a rock and hit the bars with all his might. The clanging of rock against metal echoed all over the cave, and resounded into the misty forest. He kept banging, until he realized that the bars didn't even have a dent on them. 

"If I can't get out through the gate… then I'll just have to dig my way out!!!" Goku at once dug his nails into the rough, dry cave-floor. He dug with all the dexterity left in him, but he soon stopped as he realized that his fingers bled from cuts and that he had even barely made a hole big enough to bury his hand in. Goku sat, spreading out his legs and letting his body weight rest on his two, injured arms. He tried to think of any more ways to get out of the cave. But he knew that that wasn't his goal… his main goal was to prove that it was all a dream. He thought that he should do something that would make him wake up into reality once again and prove himself that he was right all along. 

He stood up, and staggered as he held out his arm to his side, feeling the cave wall and letting it serve as his guide. He decided to venture deeper into the cave and discover how far it cave led. He felt his right pocket. He remembered that he hid Gojyo's pack of matches there the last night- a simple trick to annoy him… unfortunately, Gojyo easily went out to buy lighter fluid. 

He patted his pocket, but he felt nothing. He checked is left pocket, and realized that it wasn't in there as well. He searched all the possible places it could have gone into, to no avail. Goku's eyebrows met. He knew he remembered that the matches were in his pocket. Then, he diverted his gaze as he heard a thud. He saw a pack of matches at his feet. 

Goku felt uneasy. It seemed bizarre to him for this to happen. Ironically, he suddenly felt an assurance that he was right. 

"This is a dream."

He picked up the packet, and then quickly lit a match. He saw that the darkness was never-ending. The match quickly burned out. He walked forward, letting his hand and the cave wall guide him once more.

"This cave was a lot bigger than I thought." Goku said to himself. 

After a few paces forward, Goku lit another match. There was no sign that he was getting any closer to the cave's boundary. The match soon died out and he decided to keep on going, only lighting a match after he felt that he had already walked a far distance.

He walked until his feet started to give way again. Seeing that the he was getting nowhere near the end, he decided to rest a while. He sat down, letting his body rest upon the cave wall. He shut his eyes, trying to conserve as much energy as he could to keep on going. 

Goku opened his eyes once more and looked to his left- into the darkness that he was journeying in. He then turned his gaze to the right, to see how far he had been from the entrance, to see if there was still any light visible at the cave mouth. 

Goku's eyebrows met when he saw that he hadn't traveled far at all. He immediately got up. He walked towards the cave entrance, which seemed too near for the time he had spent in walking further into the cave. He counted every step he made.

In 15 paces, he was right back where he started.

"What the-?" Goku said in disbelief. He looked held the metal bars once more, and looked down and saw the small hole he had made in the ground. "How… could this happen? I've been walking-" Goku frowned, and grit his teeth once more. 

"THIS IS A DREAMMMM!!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "it's a dream… a stupid dream… And I'm going to end it!!!" Goku clenched his fist.

~::Meanwhile::~

Sanzo read a book as he sat beside Goku. He tried to take his mind off things, but he realized that the more he tried, the more he thought about their situation. The pages seemed like a collection of jumbled letters printed on pieces of old paper. Even though he heard the words being read in his mind, they made no sense. He couldn't absorb anything; his mind was somewhere else. 

A knock on the door woke Sanzo up from his daydream

"Hey! I thought you'd like some breakfast," Gojyo said, as he walked into the room carrying a plate of Hakkai's cooking.

"Uh… Thanks…." Sanzo absent-mindedly answered. 

"That's the first time I heard you say that word, hehe." Gojyo said, smiling as he gave Sanzo his plate.

"What?" Sanzo said irritably. It was obvious that he was awake now. 

"N-nothing…" Gojyo said defensively.   

Sanzo laid the plate on his lap. Although he was starving, he found no interest in eating the food in front of him. Gojyo noticed the emptiness of Sanzo's eyes, and he knew that Sanzo was the one who worried the most amongst the three of them.

"You think Goku will wake up if we put a platter of dumplings in front of him?" Gojyo said, trying to cheer Sanzo up.

"I wish that could work." Sanzo said blankly.

"Or maybe we can ask Hakuryu to blow a flame onto his pants… that could wake him up." Gojyo smirked.

Sanzo stared at him coldly.

"H-hey… just trying to cheer you up…" Gojyo said, putting his hands in front of him, gesturing that Sanzo should calm down.

"What was that about Hakuryu?" Hakkai asked as he walked into the room.

"Uh, nothing…" Gojyo answered, "Just wondering where Hakuryu is."

"Oh… yeah, he's in my room, still sleeping. We're a heavy load, you know…" Hakkai said, smiling. 

"How can he sleep at a time like this?" Sanzo said, somewhat irritated. "All these things happening… with Goku like this… and us…" Sanzo put the plate on the bedside table as he stood up. "Damn… how could we just be like this… just waiting for him to die… not even being able to do anything. This feels stupid!" Sanzo was enraged. 

Hakkai and Gojyo kept quiet. Sanzo wasn't the only one who felt helpless at this time. 

"Why do we have to pathetically wait for him to die like this?" Sanzo finally asked, his tone a little softened.

Hakkai looked up at Sanzo. He never saw Sanzo like this before; he knew, by looking at Gojyo's expression, that Gojyo thought the same thing. He felt just as disappointed at their situation- the way they couldn't help, the way they had to wait for fate to reveal itself, the way they had to see Goku like this… and then say goodbye to him if things didn't turn out as they had hoped…

"I feel helpless right now," Hakkai broke the silence, "I hate the fact that we can't do anything for Goku right now. I hate the fact that we have to see him like this… but I still believe that there is hope. I know it's frustrating to wait… to wait for fate to reveal itself. But frankly, I don't believe in fate."

Sanzo looked up at Hakkai. 

"I know that Goku can do this. I don't care if Shi said it would take a miracle. Just what have we been doing this whole time? I'm sure that you, Sanzo, know better than any one of us that every step we took… that every battle we went rhough on this journey… was a step further from the boundaries of the norm. Nothing can hold us back! Just the mere fact that we all met like this, despite the sad times we went through, is already a miracle. Why should this event be any different? You know how strong Goku is."

Gojyo smirked.

"That kid may have an IQ of a monkey… but when he's put in a serious situation, he manages to handle the situation as if he knew everything all along. His spirit is stronger than anything in this world." Gojyo looked at the two, "Goku will figure this out for sure, and as soon as he does, he's going to break through as if nothing happened."

 The emptiness had disappeared; Sanzo's eyes showed confidence once again. Although Sanzo didn't smile, it was evident that his faith had returned. 

Hakkai knelt down beside Goku and then fixed him up. He let Goku lie on his back, and he fixed his arms, putting them comfortable at his side. He then got the crumpled blanket at Goku's feet and tucked him in. After that, Hakkai pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket, wet it with a bit of water from Sanzo's glass, and wiped away the tear stains on Goku's cheeks. 

"There." Hakkai exclaimed when he was done.

 Goku looked as if he was just asleep.

The three felt a lot better as they looked at their companion. Their hope grew even greater. 

Just as Hakkai was about to stand up, he saw a crease on Goku's chest. He pulled back the blanket and suddenly saw a box of matches lying on Goku's chest.

"Wha? Those are my matches! Why that little… Where did they come from?" Gojyo said as he tried to control his temper again. 

"That's funny, I didn't see them back then…" Hakkai answered. 

Hakkai shrugged as the placed the blanket onto Goku's chest once again.

"Darn that little… that's the second thing he's… tch… hehe… baka saru…" Gojyo muttered.

"OH!!!" Hakkai jumped back.

"What is it?" Sanzo asked, surprised as well.

"Just now…" Hakkai started, "I thought… I thought I felt his chest move."

"WHAT?!" Gojyo exclaimed. Sanzo and Gojyo quickly knelt down beside Goku.

They thought that Hakkai's eyes had been deceived.

They looked, and they saw Goku's chest, slowly expanding and contracting. They watched in amazement as they saw Goku take in slow, tiny gasps of air. They were speechless.

"He's alive." Hakkai smiled.  

Author's note: AHHHH!!! GOKU has returned from the dead!!! Weeeee! *dances for joy as she knows that Goku lovers won't hunt her down anymore* Hehehe! I wanna thank those who reviewed the past chapter, Silver Fox Thief, Saiyuki Fan, Yoyo, Merf and especially I Love Sanzo!!! You guys really motivated me to write even more. I'm overwhelmed to know that, even though this is just my first fanfic, you guys actually liked it. 

Okay, since Goku's now recuperating… you can conclude that this fic is almost over. So…  I hope you guys also liked this chapter! ^___^ I'm currently trying to study this writing book I bought, in hopes that my writing can improve even more and at least I can give a good finale for this fic. Anyhow, I'll try to update soon! Thanks lots!!! ^___^


	8. Paradox

Disclaimer: (Unh… do I have to say this again???) Uh… the Saiyuki boys aren't mine. The only character I own in this story is Shi Mou Rou… I thank you. *Bows*

Chapter 8: Paradox

"He's back" Gojyo said, somewhat relieved. The three were caught in a trance as they watched their comrade take in quick gasps of air. It was a miracle.

Hakkai, as if awakened from a daydream, shook his head and then stood up. "I'll go get a hot towel," he said, as he hurriedly left the room. Sanzo, on the other hand, had seemingly heard nothing. He kept his gaze on Goku, and his eyes gave a bright shine. He was teary-eyed, but knowing Sanzo, he didn't want to show his feelings all too easily. Gojyo simply looked at Sanzo. He smiled; he could feel that Sanzo was more than ecstatic over what was happening. 

Hakkai soon returned, bringing a small basin. He immediately knelt down beside Goku and applied the warm towel onto Goku's forehead. By then, Goku's breathing was still shallow, but it had become more stable. The three still remained silent as they kept watch over their friend; no word could express how relieved and overjoyed they had felt. 

Sanzo then broke the silence. "He… overcame it…" He said softly. 

"Yeah," Gojyo agreed.

"If this really took a miracle," Hakkai continued," I wonder how he did it…"

"That's easy…" Sanzo answered, "He was never alone…" 

Hakkai and Gojyo simply gave a reassuring smile.

~:: Meanwhile::~

Goku's eyes showed pure determination; he was convinced that he had become a prisoner of a mere illusion. He tried to figure out how to reawaken himself, and bring himself back to reality- the reality that never involved being separated from his friends; the reality where he was never meant to be apart from them.

"I'm not going to give up." Goku said to himself as he looked beyond the metal gates. "This isn't real… everything is distorted… this is a dream… a stupid dream."

Goku held onto the metal gates. He could feel the strength in his heart. He felt his emotions once again. The pain was once again revived in his limbs. Though he felt the sting of the wounds on his wrists and the heavy pull of his tired legs, he took no notice of them. His will was the only thing empowering him right now. His only thought was on how to get out. 

"I almost gave up… I almost let go… I wanted to die… but now that I see the truth… whoever did this to me is going to regret it…." Goku thought. 

Just then, he saw something moving beyond the mist. He saw the dark shadows, despite the thickness of the mist. He squinted, trying to see what it could be that was moving towards him. Little by little, the blur of shadows took a form-- human. Goku grew alarmed. Who could possibly come to a place like this? 

The figures took a more distinguishable shape. There were three of them. 

Goku felt panic in his nerves. He knew that, in the state of his body, he wouldn't be able to fend off those figures if they were foes. Despite the panic, Goku clenched his fist, and held on tighter onto the metal bars, getting ready for all the possibilities. 

Goku's eyes widened as he finally saw the figures stop right before him.

It was them; Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo. 

Goku was dumbfounded. His jaw was ajar. It took him a few minutes before he shook his head. "This is a dream…" He thought to himself. 

Goku looked up at the three with rage. Anger burned within him.

But then, Sanzo held out his hand towards Goku; Goku could only stare at it, his eyes full of wonder. 

"You aren't real…" Goku said softly, turning his gaze away from Sanzo's hand. His emotion softened.

"What?" Sanzo answered back.

"… You're just a stupid version of my friend… a stupid, stupid, low-class, wanna-be!!!" 

"What makes you say that?" Hakkai then answered, smiling. 

Goku paused and then looked up. It was Hakkai… His kind comrade… the "illusion" he saw earlier that day.

If he wasn't convinced this was a dream, he would have been happier to see them right now.

"This is just a dream." Goku answered then diverted his gaze onto the floor once again. 

"Baka Saru…" Gojyo said mockingly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't call me that!!!" Goku snarled, "You have no right to call me that!!! You aren't him!!!"

"Him?" Gojyo asked.

"You're not my friend… Gojyo… you're nothing like him!" Goku answered back. He looked straight into Gojyo's eyes, and he saw that who he was talking was in so much likeness as his friend. He felt like he was lying to himself. He felt like he was telling his very own friends that they weren't real. Goku shook the thought in his mind, only convincing himself, "This is a dream…"

"How could you say that?" Hakkai asked, with a smile on his face. 

"My friends would never do this to me! They wouldn't… especially him!" Goku raised his finger, and pointed violently at Sanzo, who was caught by surprise. 

The three of them fixed their gaze on Sanzo. Goku's emotions were burning within him. He couldn't believe that illusion had the guts to return and show himself. "You aren't worthy of my tears…" Goku thought. "How dare you make me think that Sanzo would ever do such a thing to me!"

"Stop pointing your filthy finger at me…" Sanzo said, keeping a stern face.

"SHUT UP!!!" Goku shouted, he felt as if his heart was about to explode with anger. "You three better let me out of here or else I'll just have to make you!!!"

"He's lost it," Hakkai said calmly. 

"Hey, hey… do you really think you can threaten us just like that?" Gojyo said coyly, "What makes you think you can get out of that prison?"

"I'm sorry Goku but-" Hakkai said, smiling.

"Don't call me by my name!" Goku cut him short. "You have no right…" His grip tightened.

"Well," Hakkai continued, his smile dissipating, "I'm sorry but there's no way you're getting out of there… We just came by to say goodbye."

"Don't get me wrong," Sanzo followed, "I tried to make them change their minds."

Goku grit his teeth once more. He wanted to just reach out and grab Sanzo; make him feel sorry for impersonating the real friend he knew. He wanted to just go through the bars and make them confess that they weren't real; make them feel sorry for letting him go through all that. But with the state of his body, Goku could hardly stand up; he lost so much blood and ate nothing since the start of his search.

"You… don't act as if you're him… you may look like him, and act like him… but you're nothing like my friend… my sun…" Goku locked eyes with Sanzo.

"Tch…is that's all you can do… trash talk all day?…" Sanzo answered back, giving Goku a look of disgust.

"Well, what do you expect from a monkey?" Gojyo teased.

"Very well then," Hakkai interrupted, "At least before we leave him… let's just make him realize just how delusional he's become."

"What do you mean?" Gojyo answered, "He's obviously crazy, what's the use to let him know???"

Goku paused, he was surprised by Hakkai's suggestion. This would be the only way that he could prove that they aren't real- that they were all joking him. He gave out a vague smile. 

"There's no reason, really- it just makes me feel a little sorry for him… This will be at least our 'remembrance' before we go."

Gojyo gave no response. Hakkai turned his head towards Sanzo, "What do you think, Sanzo?"

Sanzo, with his arms across his chest and his eyes closed, simply answered, "Tch… Do whatever you want!!!"

"I'm glad you agree." Hakkai answered, smiling. He then diverted his gaze to Goku, but now his eyes gave off an evil shimmer, "Besides, this memory will be the only thing he'll remember from now on."

Goku was unnerved as he saw the evil intention in Hakkai's gaze; he never thought he'd see Hakkai look at him like that.

"So, it'll be like this, Goku," Hakkai started, suddenly changing his expression to a smile once more. "You'll be given a chance to ask each one of us a question. Of course, that question should be about something which you think will prove our identities. If we answer correctly, then we're off…"

"What if you don't answer it right?" Goku asked, with a sarcastic look upon his face.

Hakkai frowned for a moment, then returned the smile on his face, "Well then, if it so happens that we won't be able to answer it… then you can ask us a favor. The only thing is that you can only ask us one question, and the favor will be done as a group."

"What do you mean???" Goku asked.

"If we didn't answer the question… the favor you ask will not be done individually. If, for example, Gojyo and I don't get the answer, you only get to ask one favor instead of two; Sanzo will also do that favor with the both of us even if he answered correctly."

"No fair…" Goku thought.

"Okay!!! Let's start already! My legs are aching!!!" Gojyo whined.

Goku thought for a moment. He had no idea what he could ask. He had to ask a tricky question- one that only he and the one whom he asked knew. But at the moment, Goku could only remember one thing.

"Hakkai…" Goku started, "What was your na-?" Goku thought that if that was the real Hakkai, only he would know his former name.

"Gono...Cho Gono." Hakkai answered hastily, yet keeping his calm manner. "Is that all you can ask?" Hakkai asked, smiling.

Goku paused… then looked up, and locked eyes with Gojyo.

"What?" Gojyo asked, annoyed.

"What annoys you?...I mean, what is the one thing that ticks you off that people often take notice of?" Goku asked, keeping a stern face.

"As much as I have to say it…being called Ero Kappa*…" He answered. (*horny water monster)

Goku paused once again.

"I advise that you should be more careful with what questions you ask…" Hakkai said.

"Sanzo…" Goku began as he looked up at Sanzo.

"What?" Sanzo asked coldly, keeping his chin up. 

"Where do you keep your fan?" Goku asked, with a smirk on his face.

"Under my robe…" Sanzo answered, still keeping his arms across his chest.

"Is that all?" Hakkai asked once more. 

Goku bowed his head; he kept his gaze on the cave floor. He couldn't say anything. 

"Heh… I guess we're off now," Gojyo answered, turning around and about to walk away.

"You all failed!" Goku suddenly cried out.

"What?" Hakkai asked in surprise, the three turned towards Goku once again.

"You all failed… You all grant me the favor… unless you want to prove all the more that you guys are not real. You guys always keep your word, don't you?"

"Heh!" Gojyo sneered, "And what excuse did you come up with now? Don't tell us all those answers were wrong..."

"In fact you did... I didn't really focus on those questions."

"What are you blabbering about?" Sanzo asked impatiently.

"First of all… Hakkai… where is Hakuryu? You never leave her behind. Plus, you didn't let me even finish my question. The real Hakkai is always polite- even to his foe."

Hakkai simply kept quiet. It was obvious on his face that he was disturbed by what Goku said.

"Next," Goku diverted his gaze towards Gojyo, "I asked you what annoys you the most, right? I really asked you what PEOPLE take notice of, something about you that usually ticks you off when they point it out… you said that it was being called ero kappa. I know that I'm the only one who calls you that… but the point is- that's not what you hate being called."

"What the heck???" Gojyo answered back, "Are you saying that I'm wrong with my own choice?"

"Nah, I'm just saying that you aren't the real Gojyo. The real Gojyo really hates it when someone mentions something about his eyes and hair… and he especially hates it when people tell him to quit smoking… which makes me wonder… where's your cigarette? The only time you don't have a cigarette in your mouth is probably when you're eating or sleeping or...hmmmm… unless you also smoke when you're being your ero self…" Goku gave Gojyo a malicious smile.

Gojyo quickly defended himself, "I have to buy a packet, you idiot!!! Don't tell me I'm wrong just because I'm not smoking right now."

"Really? The nearby town is huge, we've been here for days… how could you not buy a packet before leaving?"

Gojyo gave no response.

"Oh yeah… Gojyo… before you leave… though I doubt it now that you guys are leaving anytime soon…" Goku dug into his pocket. He pulled out the box of matches he got from Gojyo the other night; he threw it to Gojyo, who quickly caught them. 

"What's with this? What do you want me to do with this pack of matches?" Gojyo naively asked.

"Oh nothing… just a box of matches… you know." Goku smiled.

"Hmmm? You're always weird…" Gojyo answered, putting the box into his pocket.

Goku smiled to himself, "he didn't even get angry at me… Does he have that bad of a memory?" He thought.

"Okay, those two, lengthy explanations were somehow convincing," Hakkai broke the brief silence, "Do you have any proof that Sanzo is wrong too? Or do you really know where he hides that fan of his?"

"Well…" Goku looked up at Sanzo, he noticed that the cold gaze had vanished; Sanzo was obviously anxious to hear what Goku had to say. "Sanzo… I really have no idea where he keeps that fan. In fact, he hits Gojyo and I so fast that I barely see when he pulls it out; and I'm always distracted so I don't notice when he puts it away again. It would be real dumb of me if I tried to find out where he hides it, right?" Goku gave them a cheerful smile, "Besides, the way Sanzo answered was a quick giveaway. Why would Sanzo tell me where he hides it? Would it even matter? Knowing Sanzo, he would have just probably kept quiet or said, 'Why would I tell you?'."

The three kept quiet. It was evident on their face that they were confused. They couldn't even keep their gaze steady. Goku felt so proud of himself, and was thinking what possible favor he could ask… "I've got them cornered," he thought, "It's so obvious that these guys are fake. All I have to do now is to think of what favor to ask... I wonder if they'll actually let me out of here..."

"We're still not convinced…" Sanzo suddenly broke out.

"WHAT?!" Goku stammered, how could they say that after his explanation? Even Hakkai would have agreed to his reasoning.

"First of all, the first question was too obvious. Hakkai answered it quickly to save time." Sanzo answered, regaining his icy aura. "Next, your question for Gojyo was an opinionated type of question. Based on the circumstances, what proof do you have that what Gojyo said is wrong? He could say absolutely anything since you just asked him what annoyed him… you asked his opinion."

Goku felt his heart beat with a revived anger. He couldn't believe how they were trying to rationalize when it was obvious that he had proven them wrong.

"And lastly, your question for me was stupid… If you didn't know the answer, how could you say that I was wrong? You based it all on how you knew me from before… but the truth is, you know nothing about me."

Sanzo and Goku locked eyes; Goku could feel his anger soaring as he saw the conceited look on Sanzo's face.

Sanzo continued, despite the tension that was building in Goku's stare, "You have no idea what I'm like right now… I told you the answer to the question simply because… like you said… 'what does it matter?'. So even if I told you, it wouldn't matter since you'll be left behind now… there's no use in me using that fan anymore. You were the only reason I was carrying it around… you and your blabbering mouth."

Goku felt torn apart. But he tried to fight the sorrow he felt. He knew that even if this person looked like the Sanzo he knew, he was just a stupid impersonation in this dream; or rather, this nightmare.

"No… I can't believe you… You're just running away… you're making excuses… you just don't want me prove that you all aren't real. Pfft… fine, then walk away. I'm convinced now anyway that you loosers are nothing more than wanna-be scumbags…"

"Now, now" Hakkai interrupted, "There's no need to be name-calling now. If you think we're rationalizing, maybe you should try thinking about Sanzo's explanation again… I doubt that you really did."

"Oh really? Then how come Gojyo doesn't even recognize the matchbox that I hid from him? You know how furious he gets when he has to go out to buy one again- it decreases his time in enjoying a good smoke…"

The two looked at Gojyo, who shook his head and answered, "How can I get angry over a box of matches???"

"Because... because that's what we do!!! We argue!!!…" Goku answered. He knew he was running out of reasons. It was impossible to tell them that they were wrong; it seemed that they tried everything to confuse Goku and prove that he knew nothing.

"Oh yeah?" Gojyo answered back, grinning, "What if I thought of it as just a waste of time? What if I just wanted to annoy you for no stupid reason??? What's your point? I agree with Sanzo... you know nothing about me."

"… You're all liars! You're nothing like them! You can walk away if you want to. Besides, I doubt that you'll let me out of here."

"Hehe, it's okay to continue dreaming…" Gojyo answered back, grinning.

"Heh… and I thought you guys would agree to fighting me one last time." Goku answered.

"In your state? I doubt it's worth even trying. "Hakkai answered back.

"I'd rather die fighting you guys than being locked up in here forever…" Goku said softly. 

"Well then, you can just continue rotting in there then." Sanzo answered. 

Goku didn't know what to do anymore. Those three were the only chance left that he had to wake up. If he were really to die whilst in the field of battle, he believed that he would wake up. But then, with the way things were going, it seemed that they only wanted to leave him there. He was running out of lines, and fast. He had to figure out a way to make them release him.

"Very well, we're done then…" Hakkai said cheerfully.

The three slowly turned their backs and started to walk back into the mist- away from Goku. Just when they were about to leave, Goku picked up a stone, and with all his might, he threw it at them. "Please let it hit any one of them…" Goku said to himself. He saw as the stone made it's way, heading towards Gojyo's head. But then, Goku could only watch in disbelief as the stone went right through him.

The three stopped in their tracks. They turned around and stared intently at Goku. Goku felt his heart skip a beat; the way they looked at him, made his skin crawl. Goku fought away his fear, shaking his head. He then shouted out, "You didn't even explain what happened to Hakuryu! Don't tell me you three will be walking to-" Goku cut himself short. A sudden idea came to mind. "Don't tell me you guys will be walking THAT far!" He wondered if they even knew where they were going… to Gyu Mao.

"What do you care?" Gojyo answered back, "You're not coming with us anyway. 

"And what happens if Kou comes and attacks you all again? There are four of them… it'll be three against four. Hehe… I doubt you guys can hold them off."

"We're not going there anyway… the journey has been cancelled." Hakkai answered.

"What?" Goku thought to himself. "The journey can never be cancelled!"

"You guys are… not real… everything here is not real… My device didn't work… nothing is real!" Goku answered back. Everything seemed to be in a blur once more. 

The three just stood there, their expressions cold and stoic. Goku could say nothing. 

Goku fell onto his knees. He kept his hands on the metal bar. He gripped it with all the strength he had. He started to feel the shape embed onto his palm. "How could this happen? How could it feel this real?" Goku said to himself. Loneliness overcame him. He tried to fight back the thought- but it was true- he felt so alone. He started to grow weak once more. He started to doubt himself. "Could this all be a dream? Why does it hurt this much? Somebody... please tell me why it has to hurt this much..." Goku contemplated, feeling his eyes burn with the mix of emotions. "How do I get out of here?..." The tears that he longed for finally rolled down his cheeks; it gave him a momentary warmth.

~:: Meanwhile::~

Sanzo peered into the crimson sky. The sun was setting, and despite the care everyone gave for their friend, Goku's state hadn't changed since morning. His gasps were still weak, and his expression was still melancholy. Hakkai was in the kitchen preparing dinner, Gojyo, on the other hand, stayed with Sanzo to keep watch over Goku. 

"I'm worried about Shi…" Gojyo suddenly said. 

"Why?" Sanzo said apathetically.

"What if she escaped without us even knowing it? Who knows if she recovered already. We barely know her."

"Hakkai said it would take three days, right? But then again… it is possible that she's conscious now. Who cares anyway?"

"We have to make her give us the antidote… Besides, I doubt that she'd return to Kou that easily. She would most probably come after you again… But with our guards down like this…"

"We'll just have to prove it then... prove whether she's unconscious or not" Sanzo interrupted, he looked up at Gojyo for a moment.

"What?" Gojyo almost dropped the cigarette in his mouth. "You know how troublesome that girl is!"

"Yeah... I do..." Sanzo closed his eyes. "and she's the only one who knows what to do right now..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay Gojyo, make sure that you remove all that junk before actually unlocking everything" Hakkai smiled. 

"Why do I have to do this?!" Gojyo screamed as he turned his head towards Sanzo and Hakkai, who stood a distance from him.

"We'll keep distance so in case she tries to escape or anything, we can hold her off." Hakkai answered, smiling calmly.

"Why do I have to be the one who might get hur-" Gojyo asked

Sanzo reached for his gun.

"Okay okay, I'm going now!!!" Gojyo briskly walked to the storeroom door. 

"Good." Sanzo answered sternly, folding his arms across his chest.

Gojyo irritably looked back at the two who were now about 5 meters away from him. He started to remove all the junk that barricaded the storeroom door. He wiped off his sweat as he nervously unlocked the two locks. Gojyo paused a while as he held on to the last lock. He gulped. He turned the lock and slowly turned the knob.

The door squeaked eerily as Gojyo peered into the darkness. The room was almost as big as a one-person bedroom; it was pitch black and slightly stuffy. Gojyo squinted as he tried to see through the darkness. He swung the door wide open, and took a step into the room. But before he did, he turned his head towards his companions one more time. 

"Darn it... I hate the dark... and I hate surprises even more," he told himself as he took one last look at Sanzo and Hakkai.

Gojyo bit on his cigarette, which gave off a soft light in the room. Gojyo's audible steps resounded in the storeroom, which made him even more nervous. Gojyo tried to fight back his nervousness by reassuring himself.

"The worst thing that could happen is that I get knocked out... and that Hakkai and Sanzo won't be able to hold Shi back... but what's the chance of that happening???"

Gojyo smirked to himself.

"Stupid." He slightly slapped his hand onto his forehead, "I forgot that I had a lighter!"

Gojyo pulled out his lighter. It took three clicks until a steady flame flashed through the dark room. 

"There..." Gojyo smiled.

A loud bang suddenly grabbed Gojyo's attention. He turned his head to look for the source. He felt a sudden pang of pain in his abdomen; everything went black.

Shi Mou Rou giggled as she looked down at Gojyo. "Stupid... you think I'm that weak?" She quickly ran, seeing the door wide open. She darted through the darkness; her eyes stung as a bright light welcomed her to the entrance.

She stopped for a moment outside the storeroom door. She rubbed her eyes. As she slowly regained sight, she looked up and saw Sanzo and Hakkai, standing casually, as if waiting for her to just run away.

Shi frowned. Realizing that they were in just one side of the hallway, she quickly ran into the opposite direction of the hall- leading to an open window. 

Shi smiled brightly as she was just inches away from the window sill. But just as she was about to exit, a pang of pain ran all through her upper body; she bumped violently against an unseen force, immediately sending her tumbling backward.

As soon as she came to, she saw Hakkai and Sanzo peering down on her. She quickly sat up. 

"Ugh... not the barrier again..." she groaned.

Hakkai simply smiled. "You didn't think we'd go that easy on you now, did you?"

"Shi..." Sanzo interrupted. There was softness in his voice.

Shi could only stare at him, wondering what he could probably say. Hakkai was dumbfounded as he watched Sanzo. Silence reigned.

Sanzo then knelt down and, closing his eyes, bowed his head. He paused, and then looked up at Shi Mou Rou, who was obviously in shock. 

"This is for Goku… we can only count on you now… I don't care what it takes…" he paused,

"Please help us."

Author's Note: Hiya!!! Sorry for the delay again (I had a ton of work to do, despite graduation practice ^_^;;) Anyhow, I'd like to thank all those who read and reviewed the last chapter, especially Sanzo Fan, Sanzo's Little Girl, I Love Sanzo, Yoyo, Merf, Koinu-chan and ethereal-tenshi... thanks sooooo much!!!! :D :D :D

Man, I had no idea that I would reach this many chapters! (Honestly, I didn't even have a plot when I was writing chapter 1) Don't worry, I have a plot for this story. I think it'll just be about two chapters until we reach the finale. And also, I've finally finished reading that book I was talking about! *does a little victory dance, Final Fantasy victory tune playing* Hopefully, I'll be able to apply all I learned from it (If I don't I'll just have to read it again and bang my head against the wall then! XD) As for the questions posted by those who reviewed the last chapter, I'll try answering them now... :D 

"Will Shi Mou Rou disappear in the end or something?"

well, to be honest... I have no idea so... I dunno if I should put an end to her or something. I think that creating an original character shouldn't stick around too long, but then again, it would be nice to have her in a sequel, hehe! So... I'm not sure... It'll all depend on my "vibes" XD

"Will Goku die?"

Er... obviously he didn't but... I dunno... *feels evil glares of Goku fans again* Yeeeekkkk!!!

"How will Goku wake up?"

That's something I'm still trying to figure out, but I have an idea already... Of course it's a secret!!! :D

Ahhh... I kind of forgot what the other questions were ^_^;; (it's kind of obvious...) *feels evil glares burning her to a crisp* AHHHH!!! Anyhew, if anyone wants to ask me something, just leave a message on my weblog ... ^_____^ .... o___^ .... o____o ... O____O ... O___O;; I dunno what to say anymore... till next chapter then!!!


	9. De ja vu

Chapter 9: De ja vu

Silence filled the room. All that Hakkai and Shi could do was to look at Sanzo, whom they never thought would bow to anyone. 

Sanzo's kept his gaze on Shi, his face as serious as ever. She felt nervous as she looked at him, at how he bowed before her. His eyes no longer had the confidence that she at first saw. His soul-piercing gaze only showed one emotion at the moment... Sincerity.

Sanzo finally broke the silence. "I ask you... Will you help us?"

Shi, with eyes wide-open, finally shook herself into her senses and realized how long she had actually been staring at him like that; she felt somewhat ashamed to have been caught off-guard. She tried her best once more to show an air of confidence. 

She smiled. "Why are you bowing down? I thought you never did that..."

"I don't." Sanzo replied confidently, "This is for Goku."

Hakkai smiled, and added, "There's no place for pride when it comes to caring for someone."

"So..." Shi said softly, diverting her gaze to the floor.

Thump, thump, thump... "Agh!!! Darn that woman..." Gojyo yelled, followed by swearing.

The three turned their heads towards the stockroom door. 

"Hehe, I knew I was going to get hurt or something!" Gojyo exclaimed, menacingly looking at his two friends. He continued to walk towards them, holding his injured abdomen as he did. 

"You came just in time, Gojyo." Hakkai smiled. "We were just about to hear Shi's decision..."

"Decision?" Gojyo asked, surprised. "Wait... wait a minute." Gojyo finally took notice of Sanzo and saw that he had been kneeling. "Wait... don't tell me that Sanzo actually ASKED for her help..." Gojyo pointed at Sanzo, who frowned. 

"Hai.*" Hakkai nodded. (*yes)

"Wow..." Gojyo uttered, his smile slowly growing wider. He then took out a cigarette, placed it casually in his mouth and lighted it.

"You... why..." Shi Mou Rou's voice trembled. Hakkai and Gojyo looked at her with concern. Sanzo, on the other hand, simply kept a stern face. 

"Tell me why..." Shi's voice trailed off. She started to sob, but she tried to fight the tears back. 

"Why what?" Sanzo coldly asked.

"Why do you keep on trying? What makes you think that you can save your friend? I know you three have lost hope... but why won't you just accept it that he really is gone?! Why won't you just go on?!? There's no point in this!"

The three kept silent.

"Even if I do help you. There is a small chance that he'll make it. It's been two days since he lost consciousness... why won't you just accept his death?"

"Who said he's dead?" Sanzo confidently answered.

"What?" Shi Mou Rou looked up, teary-eyed. She looked into Sanzo's eyes once more, and saw the glimmer of hope; he was convinced that Goku was still with them.

Shi Mou Rou shook her head to stop herself from drowning in Sanzo's gaze. "Why are you all clinging onto this pointless hope?! The most logical thing to do was to go on with your journey. Goku isn't your main goal... It's Gyu Mao! Any true group would stick to their objective... Your jeopardizing your own mission because of one member?! I don't understand... I don't understand you people..." Shi Mou Rou bowed her head.

Hakkai stepped forward. He placed his hand on Shi's shoulder, and smiled softly. Shi quickly looked up, realizing that she had fallen for a trick- there was no barrier. She saw Hakkai's soft smile and his emerald-green eyes; She actually felt at peace just by looking at him, despite the realization that she had been free all this time. 

"Why... you... why didn't you cast your barrier?" Shi Mou Rou asked, still looking up at Hakkai like a child. She tried to hold back the fiery emotion that was starting to overwhelm her. 

"When one decides..." Hakkai replied softly, "there must be no threat, no fear... Sanzo asked for your decision. If you don't want to help... then I guess that's out of our hands. We know it'll be useless. If you don't want to do it, there's no guarantee that the antidote would turn out right, since your heart never wanted it."

"But... why..." Shi mumbled.

"The mind," Hakkai replied, taking his hand off Shi's shoulder and then pointed to his head, "The mind is something that gives us all the answers... It is an indispensable part of the human body. Without it, we can't make decisions, we can't think logically, and most of all, we won't know what reality is..."

Shi nodded. She understood completely.

"But..." Hakkai continued, now placing his hand on his chest, "There are some things that even the mind will never be able to understand... some things that the mind will never be able to explain... and that's why there's the heart. The heart sees all... It sees through the impossible, and it tells the mind that though it doesn't believe in it, there is still that hope. You see Shi, you'll never be able to know the answer to your question unless you ask yourself... ask your heart."

Shi was teary-eyed, but still would not succumb. She didn't want to show that she was weak, though Sanzo and the others already knew that she was on the verge of crying her heart out. 

"Tch," Gojyo interrupted, "Cheesy as always, Hakkai... heheh" 

Hakkai lightly scratched his head, "Haha, well, well... it seems that this situation really is getting the better of me..."

"You guys..." Shi interrupted, then looked the three, "does that mean that you would... actually... trust me?"

"That's all that we can do now..." Gojyo answered as he looked at Shi as well.

Shi bowed her head once more. 

"Trust me..." She said softly. 

"...I'll help you." Shi looked up, and gave out a smile of full determination, "Besides, I'd want to face you guys again... But next time we do, it will be a fair fight!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku held onto the rusty bars of his prison. He longed for nothing more than to awaken from the nightmare he was living. Although he knew that it was all a dream, he still couldn't understand why he still didn't wake up after all the pain he experienced. 

He looked at his ragged clothes, his bruised arms, and his bloody hands. The scent of blood was still strong. He could feel the humidity of the cave, see the mist beyond, and smell the scent of the earth; he was starting to feel that it was all a reality. 

Goku winced as he felt the pain revived on his wounded wrists. He felt his stomach as it grumbled, complaining that it needed food- at once. Goku couldn't take it anymore. He was starting to long for death- to end it all.

"If this is reality... and if they really did leave me here... then what good is there left?" He contemplated.

Goku looked up, and realized that the three figures whom he thought of as impersonators were now completely gone.

"They really left me... They didn't even want to just kill me... they wanted me to suffer... all over again..." Goku's voice started to grow weak. Even his mumbling was becoming inaudible for him. 

"I will... end this dream..." He mumbled, "I will end this dream... and if it is a reality, then so be it..."

Goku looked around, he saw the large rock in the corner of the cave. He stood up, using the cave bars for support. He slowly walked towards the big mass of hardened soil.

He sat down beside it. Then looked at it intently. He placed his hands on it, then with all his might, tried to lift it... to no avail.

"I don't have any more energy... I can barely move..."

He drowned in his thoughts. Images started flashing. He saw the way he was before Sanzo came. He saw the dry earth, the blinding sunlight and the darkness that gave him comfort. He then saw Sanzo, looking down on him. He envisioned Gojyo as he walked beside him, his hair cut short. He remembered Hakkai, his left eye bloodied, and his hand upon it. 

Sadness overwhelmed Goku. 

Goku continued to watch the images in his thoughts, momentarily forgetting the situation he was in. He recalled as he played in the Temple's trees, the other monks shouting at him. Sanzo always managed to scold him no matter what he did, and he always received a whack from the fan because of it. But nevertheless, Sanzo always defended him every time that he could. And even if Sanzo almost lost his life because of Goku's carelessness, he still managed to forgive him. His friend was definitely like the sun, always guiding him and giving him a reason to be happy despite the irony of his coldness. 

Goku gave off a soft smile.

Goku then reminisced the first time they had met Hakkai. He was a man with the most beautiful eyes. The green sheen of his eyes always showed a kindness that no one could ever compare to. But he was also cruel... so cruel that he injured one of his eyes... and if he hadn't stopped him...

Goku shook his head, then continued to reminisce.

He saw Hakkai, preparing a meal on those special occasions- when there was no village in sight. He remembered the smile that never seemed to disappear on Hakkai's face. Hakkai never did frown at him... never... 

Goku continued to daydream, feeling the warmth in his soul as he continued.

He continued to remember, and now, the time when they first met Gojyo. He had long, blood red hair. And his eyes match the red color. You feel like you were drowning in blood just by looking at it. There he was, standing in front of Sanzo, as he asked Gojyo for the whereabouts of a supposed criminal. Of course, he calmly lied to them. But after Sanzo's persistent questioning, Gojyo would not allow him to go any further. They even fought. But it seemed so strange...the realization that Gojyo never seems to worry. 

Goku contemplated for a moment.

"When was the last time Gojyo panicked? ...ah... the time when Hakkai drove straight towards a cliff- but that doesn't count..." His smile grew.

Gojyo always had that cigarette. It was probably his secret; his stress-release. Although Goku didn't really like that strong smell, he really couldn't do anything about it... Gojyo hates it when people tell him not to smoke. Goku continued to envision those fights they had almost every time they ate in a restaurant. He really hated it when Gojyo won. But he had to admit, it was fun. 

Goku closed his eyes, wishing so much to fall asleep. He preferred to die in his sleep, living in the daydreams he was having, rather than to see himself all alone in the darkness. He hummed to himself, hoping that he would finally doze off...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shi Mou Rou looked at Goku, who was taking in deeper breaths by then. She gave off a smile. She looked up, and saw the concern in the eyes of Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai. And at that sight, she was believed one thing..

"I'm their hope..." She thought to herself.

She kept the stern look on her face, "It's incredible that he recovered like this. The potion's never failed before. But still..."

"But still?" Hakkai asked.

"It's no assurance that he has completely gotten over the effects of the poison. If he continues to dream... he could do anything- even kill himself. If it goes that far, it may have a similar effect in reality."

"Why would he kill himself?" Sanzo asked, with a hint of concern in his tone.

"Well..." Shi replied, "This potion, as I said, gives one's dreams that seem so real that it's as if it's reality. It distorts the victims perception; he can't tell anymore what's real and what isn't. It cripples the victim emotionally, and so... you know how people act when they're really depressed."

None of them answered.

"Some people would try to avoid whatever caused the depression... they look for a release in order to forget. But what happens when you can't forget? What happens when you can't release that sadness?... you become it's prisoner. And some people, sadly, think they can end it through death..." Shi answered with concern.

"Oh..." Hakkai managed to reply. 

"So if Goku hurts himself?" Sanzo asked.

"It's possible that his mind still thinks that it's reality... if that happens... then it affects his body."

"No..." Sanzo muttered.

Hakkai suddenly gasped. They all turned to what Hakkai stared at.

Blood was all over the blanket.

Hakkai quickly removed the blankets, and saw the deep cuts on Goku's wrists. The three looked in horror as blood continuously flowed out of the wounds. 

Hakkai quickly held up his hand, and released healing chi. A glow of green light shone on the wounds. The blood flow lessened, and slowly came to a stop. 

"Why..." Hakkai asked, his eyes wide in wonder, "Why won't the wounds fully heal?"

"What do you mean?" Gojyo asked, starting to feel nervous as well, "You've closed the wounds."

"I'm... I'm using more than enough chi... his cuts should be fully healed... not a scratch should be left!"

They all looked once more at Goku's wrists. They all were surprised to see that Hakkai was right; The wounds were barely healed. The blood flow stopped, but it seemed that it would continue if Hakkai stopped using his chi.

"Ugh!" Hakkai exclaimed as he let out the last ounce of chi he could muster. He was completely powerless now.

"It's happening..." Shi suddenly said, "He's losing his faith..."

Sanzo clenched his fist, and looked at Shi.

"You must remember... What was the antidote?!" He screamed.

Shi paused for a moment, sadness evident in her eyes.

"No..." Hakkai answered, as he felt dizzy from the loss of power, "that story you told was true?"

Shi nodded. 

Silence.

Sanzo paused, then answered, "How much blood do you need?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku gasped. He opened his eyes, only to see the vast darkness once more. He closed his eyes again, only to realize that he couldn't fall asleep.

"Why won't you let me rest?" He cried out, feeling the heaviness in his lungs and the pain in his throat. He got up once more, walking like a drunkard. He felt the heaviness in his limbs- they seemed to grow heavier each time. He sat down once more beside the big rock, where he managed to break his shackles. 

He saw the rusty shards of metal as it reflected the light. He saw the blood on the big stone, the blood on the bits of metal, the chain... he frowned as he could still smell it. He then moved towards the rock, resting his back on it; it gave him a bit of comfort. 

He was lost in his thoughts once more as he tried to understand what happened. How many days had it been since he was locked in there? How far could Sanzo be by now? How long would be locked up until someone came to free him once more? He shook his head slowly.

"There's only one Sanzo..."

He tried to find a reason with why he couldn't find the end of the cave, why he barely walked far from the entrance when in fact he had been walking for hours. Why did the matches suddenly appear at his feet? Why did his device lose its power? Why did those people look exactly like his friends? What were those 'hallucinations' he saw before? So many questions... why wasn't he satisfied with his answer?

"Because it's all a dream...?"

Goku stared blankly at through the mist the choked the sunlight. He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know how to free himself. He had no other choice...

Goku slowly turned his head towards the bloody metal shards.

"No..." he muttered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sanzo..." Gojyo said sympathetically. "You don't have to do this...why you?"

"I'm the only one who could hold Goku back when he loses himself... doesn't that mean something?" Sanzo coldly answered. 

"But what happens to the journey? Without you..." Shi asked with great concern.

"Who cares?!" Sanzo snapped, "Let those stupid --- let them find someone else! They had enough nerve to call me out of the blue like that and join up with these guys. They well knew that if anything would happened to any one of them, it would be my responsibility!"

Hakkai tried to smile.

"If Goku's gone, do you think that it would be the same?" Sanzo continued. "I don't care if it takes my own self... I lost someone dear to me before... I wasn't there to..." his voice trailed off, "and now that Goku's like this... what do you expect me to do? Just watch? If the journey ends here... then it ends here!"

"Sanzo..." Hakkai said, unable to smile.

"If that's how you feel then..." Gojyo sadly answered.

Shi tried to show that she was confident, that she was strong... she hid her emotions, as if nothing was happening. But she knew how sad she felt to see them. They proved that they had a bond that was greater than friendship; they cared for each other more than themselves... and that was something she never experienced. She never had a friend... She felt a tinge of jealousy.

"Okay then..." She said sternly, "Let's start."

"What do you need?" Hakkai asked.

"I have the materials right here." she pulled out a few bottles from a pouch on her side. "All I need are a few basic materials... water, oil... and the most important ingredient..."

"Okay then, I'll go get the two." Hakkai answered, then got up and left the room. 

"So, how much blood do you need from me?" Sanzo asked impatiently.

"I don't know yet... we'll only know according to how Goku would react."

"How do you plan to extract it?"

"We don't have to..."

"...?"

"You'll give it directly..."

"You mean, cut his wrists and just let it drip or something?" Gojyo asked with a smirk.

"Yeah..." Shi answered with a serious look on her face.

Gojyo's cigarette almost fell from his mouth.

"Here's the two ingredients!" Hakkai triumphantly said as he entered the room with two bottles in hand, and with a bowl as well.

"That was fast." Gojyo answered.

Hakkai quickly knelt down and laid the materials before Shi. Shi immediately started to open her vials, one by one, and add a definite amount of each liquid. 

Sanzo only continued to look at Goku. He thought deeply at how this moment could be the last time that he would see Goku's face. It seemed like a disappointment that on this final sight, Goku had to look so melancholy. Sanzo contemplated on what was going to happen. He longed for nothing more than everything being back to normal; Goku recovering and being back to how he was supposed to be- the cheerful monkey who never seemed to lose his energy.

Goku started to whimper all of a sudden. He choked in between his gasps for air. 

Sanzo froze in surprise. Even Hakkai, Gojyo and Shi stopped a moment to watch what was happening. 

"He's fighting it..." Shi mumbled, then continued creating the concoction with determination. 

Sanzo could only watch as streams of tears flowed down from Goku's cheeks. Goku was silent, but he couldn't avoid whimpering a few times. 

"Hurry up with the antidote!" Sanzo demanded. He didn't know what to do anymore, he didn't want to see Goku like that. He wanted to end all the pain...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku sobbed. He thought that, like before, no tears were left, but it appeared that he was wrong. He felt a relief in crying. There was nothing else that he could do anymore. He continued to stare at the bloody metal shards. 

He whimpered. He tried to think whether what he was planning to do would do him any good, if it would end the dream. But he couldn't even think straight at the moment.

He continued to cry, and tried to talk while he did. "S-sanzo... Hak-kai... G-gojyo... I am so sorry... I just want to... I want to wake up!" He muttered in between the sobs. "If this is reality...if you're all gone... then what's the use of staying here? Am I going to just wait here and rot? I'd rather... I'd rather try this than regret being here for another hundred years... without you..."

Goku creeped slowly towards the metal shards. He ran his fingers over them, seeing which one was the biggest. He finally decided on one big piece, which was exceptionally sharp. 

He shook as he held it in his blood-stained hands. He saw the rust and the sharp point. He cringed at the thought.

He shook as he placed his hand, holding the shard, on his stomach. He tightly shut his eyes, not wanting to see what he was about to do. He felt as if something was holding him back. His thoughts raced, and he saw everyone flash before his eyes one more time... he pushed the shard back... paused... then pulled it towards him with all his might

His thoughts ended as he opened his eyes in surprise. He heard a voice:

"You're never alone."

STAB!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There." Shi said, as she poured the concoction into Goku's mouth. Goku swallowed with no resistance at all. 

"Okay, Sanzo..." Shi looked up at him.

Sanzo moved nearer to Goku. He looked at the sharp blade he held in his hand. He closed his eyes. 

The felt the sting after the cold metal ran over his wrist.

He opened his eyes once more. He opened Goku's mouth, letting all the blood drip from the wound.

They all watched sadly as they knew what was going to happen to Sanzo.

Sanzo was starting to feel dizzy. He was losing a lot of blood in such a short time. And still, there was no response from Goku. He looked towards his companions, who seemed to be just a hazy figure by now. But Sanzo did not want to give in. He looked back at Goku, whose hazy features seemed to be clearer.

"I guess my job is done here." He vaguely heard Shi say.

A sudden thud surprised Sanzo, but he winced as he turned his head in haste. His dizziness made him weak. He closed his eyes as he heard another thud. He opened his eyes, realizing that he had rested his head on Goku's chest, but still managed to keep his wrist on Goku's mouth. He saw the two figures, inanimate on the floor. Things were growing darker. 

"Ch... D-dam..." Sanzo cursed, realizing that Shi had probably knocked the two unconscious. But Sanzo didn't care about her anymore. As his vision grew darker, he turned his head toward's Goku's face, still resting his head on Goku's chest. He gathered all the strength he had left.

"You"re never alone..." 

Everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku opened his eyes. The sunlight made him blink. All he could see was white. 

"Am I..." He thought to himself.

His eyes started to clear, and he still remained motionless as he started to distinguish the white-colored ceiling above him. He also started to feel a small sting of pain in his wrists. And he finally started to feel a heaviness above his chest.

His heart skipped a beat as he saw Sanzo, as if he was sleeping, his bloodied wrist resting on Goku's chest. He looked in horror and disbelief. 

"It was a dream?" Goku mumbled.

Goku raised his arm, and brought his hand to his mouth and felt a sticky matter. He raised his hand in front of him, his eyes wide in shock as he saw a very familiar liquid-- blood.

Goku realized that he felt stronger than he did last that he had remembered. He got up, wanting to find out what happened. He saw Hakkai and Gojyo on the floor, unconscious as well. 

"What... no..." Goku stuttered.

Gojyo groaned, slowly moving. Goku froze in surprise. He saw as Gojyo slowly opened his eyes. Gojyo sat up slowly, wincing as he rubbed his head. Gojyo suddenly froze as he looked towards Goku.

"G-Goku!!!" He screamed.

Goku smiled, but then something suddenly overcame him. He felt light-headed. Everything went black as he felt himself falling, until he heard a thud- his head hit the floor. All he could hear in the darkness was Gojyo screaming his name and, until he heard and felt nothing. 

-----------~~~~~~~~~~~~---------------~=====================~~~---------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-----------

The sweet chirping of birds, the sweet smell of flowers. Goku opened his eyes, once again seeing that he was finally awake. He looked to his side and saw a vase full of flowers. The place felt all very familiar. Goku realized that it was his room. 

He slowly got up, feeling a lot better. He looked at the windows, with white curtains that danced in every gush of wind. He saw the sunlight, and it felt wonderful.

"Was it all a dream?" Goku thought. He paused then got up, and ran towards the kitchen.

"Hak-" Goku called, but ended as he saw that no one was there.

"No way..." He muttered to himself.

"What's wrong Goku?"

He turned around, and saw the familiar face he had longed to see. His eyes grew in wonder and in joy. Goku jumped and held Hakkai with all his might.

"Oh!" Hakkai coughed, "So it seems that you have fully recovered!"

"Hey, what's all the noise about?" Gojyo walked into the kitchen.

"GOJYO!!!" Goku screamed, running towards him and holding him with all his might.

Goku turned, not knowing who to face first. He was dancing, when he was just supposed to be standing. He couldn't explain the joy he was feeling at the moment, as he looked at his two friends, who were smiling back at him- as they always did.

Goku suddenly stopped as he realized something.

"Where's Sanzo?"

Hakkai and Gojyo's smile suddenly deteriorated.

"Where is he?" Goku asked once more, his face more serious. He felt nervous just looking at Hakkai and Gojyo's reactions. 

"He's..." Hakkai tried to explain, "He's... in his room. Maybe you should go see him."

Goku quickly turned to leave; Hakkai quickly added, "Don't worry Goku, he's going to be alright!" He smiled softly.

Goku's heart raced as he ran towards Sanzo's room. He didn't care about anything anymore, he didn't notice anything that got in his way. All that was in his mind was to see that Sanzo was alright.

Upon finally reaching the door, Goku paused. He placed his hand on the knob, slowly turned it and peeked inside. He saw Sanzo sleeping, his injured hand covered in bandages.

He felt sadness as he entered, and sat beside his friend. He knew Sanzo must have done something once more to bring him back. The reason why Sanzo was injured and on his chest when he opened his eyes... his wrist full of blood... That blood on his face wasn't his own- it was Sanzo's.

Goku felt his eyes sting once more. He was growing tired of crying, but he couldn't help but feel melancholy upon knowing that Sanzo was hurt once again- because of him. 

"Sanzo..." Goku sniffed, "You always act cold and hit me on the head and all but... why are you always the one who gets hurt?" Goku paused.

"I know Hakkai and Gojyo also care... we all care about each other. But why do you... always get yourself hurt just because of me? Why?"

Goku kept his head bowed down. 

"Why should I always get you into trouble?" Goku started to feel the tears roll down his cheeks.

"Baka saru." A soft, stern voice interrupted.

Goku looked up, and saw Sanzo, his eyes still closed, but his mouth left open. Goku leaned closer.

"S-Sanzo?" he blinked.

Sanzo slowly opened his eyes. 

"Why are you crying again?" He softly said.

Goku paused a moment, "S-sanzooo!" he said once more, whimpering as he did. He felt the tears flowing even stronger. He tried hard to stop it but...

Sanzo's eyes were barely open. But it was enough to see Goku right in front of him. 

"Sanzo..." Goku whimpered. "I... I'm so... I'm so... sor-"

"Tch..." Sanzo interrupted. Goku paused, feeling fear.

"Baka Saru... go get me a beer." Sanzo gave off a vague smile. 

Goku's eyes brightened, he smiled from ear to ear. He was overwhelmed to know that Sanzo was back. And what's better- he smiled at him. 

"Mmm!!!" Goku nodded, sniffed, then jumped and rushed out of the room. 

~~~~~~~~~--------------------------~~~~~~~~~------------------~~~~~~~~~--------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~---------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~----------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~---------------~~~~~~~~~

::Epilogue:: 

"You weren't able to get the Sutra?" Kougaiji's voice was as cold as ever.

"Sanzo's team proved to be stronger than I had ever expected. The potion I used upon them proved to be useles..." Shi Mou Rou answered, her eyes showing disappointment.

"I know they're strong... but I was hoping you wouldn't fail me like the others." Kougaiji answered.

"I'm sorry, Kougaiji-sama." Shi bowed her head. "But don't worry..."

Kou suddenly turned towards her, hearing her tone of determination.

"I won't disappoint you... I don't give up that easily." She answered, grinning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night sky was a dark blue that overflowed with bright white dots. The moon was beautiful, like a pearl that glowed a blinding white. Silence was overwhelming, everything was peaceful.

Hakkai drove slowly, partly thankful that the terrain was not that rough and didn't ruin such a beautiful drive. He sighed, glancing at the wondrous sky.

"Hakkai." Sanzo muttered. He was seated just beside Hakkai, as always, with his arms crossed.

"I know it looks nice... but keep your eyes on the road." He continued.

"OH! hahaha." Hakkai chuckled.

Gojyo couldn't help but look at the sky as well. He dug into his pockets, suddenly remembering the piece of paper he found on Goku's table after Goku had recovered. He saw Shi Mou Rou's name, but decided not to read it- he might just tear it apart.

"Hey, I found this note from Shi." Gojyo waved the note. 

"What did that woman have to say?" Sanzo answered, as if he didn't even care.

"I haven't read it yet... I'll read it out loud."

Gojyo unfolded it:

To the Saiyuki gang

Your strength has proven to me one thing- that I know barely enough about you. Looks are not everything, I guess. I thought you were all strong physically, but I guess I should have looked beyond that. Thank you, Hakkai, for letting me realize that.

The next time we meet, I assure you, I shall have learned enough. So, it would be advisable that you all would prepare yourself. 

Oh, and about my farewell; don't get me wrong... I hope you don't hold it against me... We couldn't take any chances to see Goku's reaction. You could have misunderstood the signs... I hope you understand. Besides, it was a smooth way to depart!

Till the next time then- and be sure to prepare yourselves, because there shall be no handicap!!!

Shi Mou Rou

"A smooth way to depart?" Gojyo asked once more, taking a breath from his cigarette.

"So..." Hakkai replied, "The reason why she knocked us out... was to make sure that we don't interfere in the process?"

"Tch... she wanted to kill us..." Sanzo answered.

"No... maybe that isn't it," Hakkai answered, smiling. "In fact, it's like she knew all that was going to happen. If we interfered, it might have happened that the antidote wouldn't completely work. She actually saved us, in a way." 

"Hmmm..." Gojyo interrupted. "I do remember that the moment I woke up, Goku had already recovered. Could it be that she even had the ability to calculate how long we'd be unconscious?"

"Haha... with powers like that, she could have just gotten the Sutra right there." Hakkai smiled.

"Women..." Sanzo sneered.

"Hehe, yeah...women." Gojyo grimaced. He moved right behind Sanzo, "Hey Sanzo, I think she really had something for you, hehe! How's that? You already have that Lilin and now--"

Sanzo held up his gun.

"Eheeee! Hey hey, just kiddin around!!!" Gojyo nervously defended himself. 

Gojyo sat back once more, and took notice of Goku's loud snoring. He frowned a bit.

"Hmph... how can Goku sleep so peacefully after all that stuff about his dreams and all??? It's as if nothing even happened!"

"He's realized something." Hakkai answered, smiling.

"What is that..?" Gojyo asked, suddenly serious.

"He can sleep more soundly now. He has no worries... Because he knows now, more than ever, that he will never wake up alone."

Gojyo smiled. "Oh." 

He took a breath from his cigarette, and gazed at the wondrous midnight sky.

~~END~~

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the delay, folks! But at least now, it's done. Weeee! Goku didn't die after all. And it's possible that Shi could make another special guest appearance next time. XD Wow, I feel so... accomplished!!! (I dunno what word to use :p) ooops! My bad, I almost forgot...

THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH to those who reviewed the last chapter, you really got me going! Especially to I Love Sanzo, who reviewed this fic from the very beginning and as well as ethereal-tenshi. You all motivate me each time I write. This is yet my first fanfic, and I was going to give up around the third chapter but, thanks to all of you, I was determined to finish it. (Though I had no idea at first how to)

I just proved something while I was writing... It's useless to write when you have no grammatical and verbal capabilities to do so, but it's even worse if you have no inspiration; inspiration is a major factor in writing (for me) and one's capability in interpreting what he feels into words is what makes him a good writer... ^_^ Ohohohoooo!!!  


Oh, I'm planning to make a new fanfic... It's Gravitation this time though. Ah well! I'll think up some more stuff... hehehehe! Wish me luck! :D 


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